Getting Rid of Nostalgia

Blogging, was one of many things that I’ve tried and failed at in the past. Some of my posts were good, but most of them were not. Back then I didn’t know what was the reason of my failure, but now, when I look back at the situation in general, I see that not telling everything truthfully was one of the reasons, because by doing that, the posts and their logic fell apart.

Probably at that time, I was trying to write down my personality and memories in such a way that the others will see me as I want them to see, and that will lead to many changes and fixing, including some twisting, so I was putting too much effort, and the words lost their simplicity that usually reflects the truth.

One time a lady told me: Don’t try hard to impress women, you don’t need to. I couldn’t care less about the last part “you don’t need to” but what I cared about is the ideas that I might be trying too hard to impress others! If so, why am I trying to convince the other of who and what I think I’m? It’s a tough question that could take a life-long journey to answer.

All of my blogging attempts have failed, only one was kind of a success, and I had few followers. It was about blogging my own thoughts, poets and feelings with no twisting or concerns about other people’s opinions of me or my writings. The common thing among them was that they were sad, so nostalgic and contain too much emotions, I don’t know how I survived that time, but surprisingly as I remember, I was kind of enjoying it.

My thoughts by then, were that a life without “BLUE” emotions and drama doesn’t mean anything. Partially, it's true, because this is a one way people can feel their humanity, but also they were too strong for a young man to live life as supposed to be lived.

However, I deleted the blog, I deleted it the time I became conscious about how much nostalgic and emotional my thoughts were, how they could affect my life in a negative way, and leads me to waist a huge part of it thinking about the past and the sad thoughts instead of start enjoying life in every details it contains. Now, I wish I have had more control over myself and I didn’t delete it, because it was -probably- a good piece of shit about my shitty situation back then. But, to start a new chapter, the previous one should be closed in any available way.