Do you know your love language?

February, 15 -

I found myself finishing the book “The 5 Love Languages” and simultaneously regretting the day I filed for divorce. Well, more like regretting not having had the knowledge to know how to show love to my now ex-husband. I thought I was doing everything in my power to show him I cared, apparently everything I was doing he did not receive as an act of love. He wanted to feel loved and nothing I was doing was enough because I wasn't doing enough of what would fill his emotional love tank! I didn't know there was specific things that one considers love above other things. Maybe you too have been showing love to your partner in the ways you think they would most like. In contrary, you might be doing too much of something insignificant to them and you might feel like you do too much and your partner doesn't appreciate it.

I recall him telling me that I never fought for him. I tend to show love by performing “Acts of Kindness”, which is my primary love language in how I show love. I might not express it by telling someone I love them verbally but instead do things to show I care. The love language that I respond to is “Words of Affirmation”.

Here are the five love languages:

1. Acts of Service (Acts of Kindness) Are things you do for your partner or spouse that you know they will appreciate more than any other expression of love.
2. Receiving Gifts The tradition of gift giving as a symbol of love has been around for thousands of years. Gift giving is a form of love and it doesn’t always have to be something expensive. It can be something as a simple self-written note that you cut into a heart and gave to your lover.
3. Words of Affirmation This is my receptive love language. Words of affirmation can be talking to your partner about your day, complimenting your partner or his or her attributes or accomplishments.
4. Physical Touch Most men think this is their primary language because they wake up with a boner that needs to get taken care of every day. This is not every mans primary love language; it is basically any physical touch you provide to your partner to show your affection. It can be a hug, a kiss, a rub of the shoulder or sex.
5. Quality Time This is my primary love language when it comes to showing someone I care. Something I did for my ex-husband but his primary receptive love language was not this, my actions did not speak love to him and fill his emotional love tank.

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So we all have an emotional love tank that needs to be filled daily in order for us to go about our day feeling loved. Feeling loved can cause anyone to become extremely positive and have a better feel to work harder. To be motivated to be better. When someone’s love tank is running on empty, they struggle to focus on the importance of the things they need to accomplish and instead try their best to plead to their partner that they need to be loved. You would be surprised, we all want love. The things that any and all of us would do just for love is crazy. For love anything is possible. With love, everything is attainable. The 5 Love Languages has helped me understand exactly what I did wrong when I decided to walk away from my marriage, my emotional love tank was running on empty. My husband at the time was showing me love through Words of Affirmation but just like any language, he was speaking a different dialect that I didn’t quite understand. He would talk to me and tell me how he felt but he didn’t express interest in truly engaging with me in conversation and that made me feel unloved. If you do not know what your love language is, or your partners… you need to read this book! One of the greatest things about this book is that it doesn’t tell you how to handle your partner in how you should treat any other girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband. It instead, sorts out the many ways you can love someone and that everyone does not speak the same Love Language, therefore, we should learn our partners Love Language in order to better show how much we love our partner. If you have ever had your girlfriend or boyfriend… your partner… complain that you don’t do enough of something, it could be “you don’t really talk to me” or “you don’t really show me that you love me, you don’t kiss me or hug me every time I see you.” Your partner is begging for you to fill their love tank with their request… to talk more… to touch them more… to give them more… To spend time with them. All of these things are things that are necessary in order to maintain a healthy marriage or relationship. If you don’t learn how to fill your lovers love tank now, you might as well walk away from your marriage now. My revelation after reading this book was that I could have been a better wife and him a better husband if only we would have loved each other in a Love Language that we could understand. But instead we walked away and I just wish he is good and that he one day finds someone that can fill his love tank in ways that I never could. We all need love, for with love all things are possible and without it, our world seems incomplete.

On a scale to 1-10 how full has your love tank?