Caring for an Elderly Parent

Many are providing support for an elderly parent. For most they will see the decline that age works on their parent. The parent who was once the caregiver has transformed into someone who needs care. This adjustment can be difficult and tumultuous or quiet and steady, or both.

My experience springs from my relationship with my mother. At 90 years old she is now unable to take care for herself. She spends almost 100% in bed with 80% of her time sleeping. Within the past 5 years she slowly transitioned from a relatively independent adult to a dependent adult. Although slow the progression has been steady. The first skill to leave my mother was balance. Normal walking needed to be assisted with a walker.

Coupled with her changes in mobility was short-term memory loss, so learning the new skill of assisted walking was difficult. My mother’s fierce independence and pride often prevented her from admitting she was getting older physically. But after more than a few falls and a broken arm she became forcibly transitioned to this new mode of transportation. Over time she became unable to stand for protracted periods of time, so eating out became the norm. Lack of mobility forced a transition from her lifelong love of baths to use of a shower bench and occasional assisted baths, to bathing in bed.

Short-term memory loss has given way to symptoms of dementia that have on many occasions been exacerbated by various prescriptions. Chief among toxic medications has been the commonly prescribed anticholinergic incontinence medication, Oxybutynin.

An increased dosage of Oxybutynin caused my mother to largely be out of her head for several months. Second, the commonly prescribed antibiotic Azithromycin Z-Pak provided more than a day’s worth of complete dementia. Both of these prescriptions seemed to force the progression in my mother to almost complete dementia while their discontinuance largely brought her back to reality. I have learned reduced kidney function in the elderly can cause normal dosages of antibiotics to become toxic. Lastly, the “flu shot for elderly adults” ultimately led to a five-day hospital stay. Nausea created forced a loss of appetite and stomach upset that persisted over the course of a month.

What I have learned over the past few years but more particularly over the past year is to expect the unexpected. The unexpected might be a 48 period of continuous sleep or a 24 hour of idle and confused ramblings. The unexpected also might contain blocks of days where her mind is clear, and stories and laughter abounds. My mother never wanted to leave her home in old age, and I have committed myself to this not occurring. My two brothers agreed it was better to hire me at a rate that allowed me to cover my bills and not bankrupt her finances…at least not so far. Therefore, I have left the work force and largely left my former life behind, but time spent with my elderly mother is priceless.