feelings

I want to tell you how I’m feeling
Untranslated by my fears
So I’ve trained myself to feel in language.
In English— so I don’t have to be embarrassed about how bad I am
At French and Spanish
When I try to translate
anger
Or heartbreak
Or love.
Unfortunately, the training process
Isn’t going as smoothly as I’d hoped..
I don’t feel in words
Like anger
Or heartbreak
Or love
I feel in words like
“Ocean”
which makes less sense than french,
and requires equally butchered
Translation, like:
I got so used to living next to you
that now,
if I step outside and close my eyes
and breathe in deeply enough
without distraction
I can feel your closeness
and I can feel your distance now,
but unlike the ocean,
which can stop my heart in early June,
I do not belong to you.

xx monique

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