The Understanding Problem
I had a very constructive conversation the other day. Conclusion included! Actually it's only about the conclusion.
When people are arguing about something, they are most of the times so focused on making the other person understand their point. But very rarely somebody tries to genuinely understand this other person's perspective, without being offended, without judging at all... as if both parties are having a monologue.
This is what I call "The Understanding Problem".
Let's make one thing clear: If it's about having fun AND EVERYBODY is actually in a good mood, THEN... interrupt each other, be loud, fight... have fun! BUT if you are in a situation where you want to have some sort of conclusion in the end, then you should follow some "best practices".
For me there are two golden rules. I learned about them years ago but today I know that theory doesn't get you anywhere in these fields. It needs a lot of practice and self-reflection to really sink in.
1. Speak from the heart
This might sound a bit cheesy at first but it means to not only make statements to "win" an argument. Also explore your own ways of thinking and feeling and question them from time to time. Every opinion or emotion has its roots. Don't tear them off. That way you give a chance to somebody else to truly understand you.
2. Listen with radical(!) respekt
I would almost say switch of your emotions entirely. Always try to take someone else's words as pure information. Don't feel offended. Don't try to argue. Try to understand. Same as you, the other person's opinions and emotions have roots. Like I said before, don't tear them off.
I know this kind of mental attitude is not easily incorporated into everyday life because the emotional triggers that we all have are so dominant and often times emotions take over before you even thought about it. You won't even realize sometimes how emotionally affected and preconditioned you are. But I can promise, the more you practice and remind yourself of these things, the more constructive conversations you will have and you will start to really genuinely "see" other people and vice versa. The overall quality of your relationships with friends, partners or family will increase. And that is totally worth it.