Boomers.........Why Our Sex Lives Suck....or not.

 

I don't get it (burp)....I get all cleaned up and (fart)....she doesn't wanna mess around.

Thank Gawd I’m not one of those Baby Boomers.  Missed it by a few  years, otherwise I might be as unhappy as they claim to be according to  an article in the Associated Press. 

So what the heck are they unhappy about anyway?

 Apparently they’re unhappy about performance problems, menopause  blues, and an increased mismatch of expectations between the sexes. And  only 7% between the ages of 45 and 65 describe themselves as extremely  satisfied with their sex lives. They’re probably single. Show me a 45 or 65-year-old married person who’s completely  satisfied with their sex lives and I’ll show you a picture of Playboy Magazine founder Hugh Hefner and his daughter, who now runs the  magazine.  Geez, how can that guy alone NOT be satisfied! Probably owns a huge chunk of stock in Viagra too. 

“Older people can learn new tricks” said Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the sex therapist known as Dr. Ruth. Is this kinda like teaching your dog a new trick? “OK Harry, roll over and bark and maybe we can get it on.” “Alright dear, but I’m not gonna play fetch.” 

Part of the problem seems to lie in different sexual expectations.   Men are more eager, (no s**t Dick Tracy) at least mentally, if not  physically……while more women become uninterested. Hmmmmm. If sex feels good, looks good, ( if you’re not in your 80’s  and falling apart at the seams) and was very relaxing, why wouldn’t more  women like having sex? 

On the other hand, maybe there are just a lot of ugly guys out there  between the ages of 45 and 65 that are turning women off.  Which could  add more respectability to the “not tonight dear I have a headache”  excuse.  Then again, maybe women need a Viagra pill. Which raises yet another question.  If a woman takes a Viagra pill  does she have to worry about having a four to six hour….um……neverrrrrr  mind. (only because I have no idea what sort of side effect a woman  would have lasting 4 to 6 hours at which time, you’d have to call a  doctor….or……..put a very big smile on your spouse’s face. 

 And….what the  heck would they say the drug is for anyhow?  I mean, the Viagra and  Cialis are for erectile dysfunction.  Meaning your Johnson is not  functioning properly.  So, if that’s the male problem, um….what part  would an ad for women on TV refer to?

 Hmmm…..some sort of dysfunction, but….I’m not even going to go there.

 The article also states that men tend to have higher sex drives.  Kinda like driving a Corvette with 6 gears or more. While women stick to  the ol standard three gears. Or an automatic. Maybe that’s it. Women  need to drive a car with a stick shift to get excited. Works for me.

Westheimer says that, “the media makes it sound as if everybody  should have sex from morning to night….that’s just not realistic.” It isn’t! OMG!  (I’ve really got to cut back then) I guess sex between men and women will always be a problem,  especially as we age. Our bodies sag, bags develop under our eyes, we  develop pot bellies, lose our hair, as well as growing hair where hair  never grew before, flatulence becomes a daily routine, sometimes even  during sex,…um….not that “I” experience any of that, and naps in the  afternoon become more enjoyable than getting undressed and dressed for  sex.  (do you have any idea how hard it is to get dressed and undressed each day when you get older)

 So in conclusion, I don’t think the reason Boomers are unhappy with  their sex lives can be solely attributed to expectations. I think it has  more to do logistics. Who the hell wants to have sex with a dog or cat lying next to you in  bed at night while you’re fighting off a bad case of gas from that  giant burrito you snacked on two hours ago and the only thing you have  on your mind is keeping warm under the covers without turning the damn  heat up…..never mind getting naked. 

My solution Baby Boomers………… Go back to the old days when you were young and carefree and didn’t  have to worry about those other problems I just mentioned.  Pick a  moment when both you and your partner are happy, totally relaxed,  (before eating the burrito) and have that passionate spontaneous  sex……….. Like after a shopping spree, in the back seat of your car……..when most women are happy. 

Hey, have you ever seen an unhappy woman after a shopping spree? I rest my case. 

MisfitWisdom