Phrases And Words All-too Commonly Wrong - or - Much Ado About Nothing?

Why is English the most difficult language to learn?
There’s a short answer to that: Because it is!

William Shakespeare, (below) is lauded as the English Language’s most influential person. He has been credited with bringing words and phrases into common use, such as:

Bated breath (not ‘baited’ you will notice).

Crack of doom (not ‘dawn’ – although that is a thing…)

Dead as a doornail (not doorknob, please!)

So, why is the English Language so damned (darned) difficult?

The long answer, includes:

Paradoxes, spelling anomalies, pronunciation, dialect, slang and myriad other tricks and plots to trip up the unwary student – foreign and domestic alike - as well as the influence of many languages from invaders and conquerors over the centuries.

We don’t do ourselves any favours when it comes to learning our Mother Tongue, either.

Cockney Rhyming Slang, street slang, dialects, even television all have influenced our beautiful language.

One friend from Canada visited us two years ago and declared that I, “Speak just like the Queen!” I’m pretty certain The Queen would be mortified to think anyone believed that.

A quote that made me smile goes like this:

"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."
James Nicoll.

Then there are phrases we get wrong on a regular basis – misheard or misunderstood, no matter the reason, words and phrases that are quoted or spoken wrong irritate the living daylights out of me!

‘Flounder’ and ‘Founder’ often get mixed up – though both mean similar things.

‘Spitting blood’ has been used for the proper term of ‘spitting feathers’ - someone is so angry they spit feathers (flecks of spit?) Or, as I always understood it, a fox that just missed his target would spit feathers because that’s all he caught.

‘To all intensive purposes’ – the actual, correct phrase is: ‘To all intents and purposes’.

A ‘Damp Squid’ – yes, squid should be damp, they live in the sea. A ‘Damp Squib’ is a firework that won’t do anything spectacular because it got damp.

‘One foul swoop’ is just… foul. ‘One FELL Swoop’ is what Shakespeare said.

‘Pacifically’ – No, you’re NOT talking about an ocean, you mean ‘specifically’!

‘Acrossed’ – No! Either ‘across’ or ‘crossed’ – never both!

‘Arctic/Antarctic’ NOT ‘artic’ – an ‘artic’ is a slang/shortened term for an articulated vehicle.

‘Bob Wire’ – I don’t know him, but I do know the fencing is called ‘barbed wire’ because it has barbs on it.

‘Ax’ – Please… PLEASE, it’s ‘Ask’. “I wanna ax you,” is something only Lizzie Borden would say, I hope.

‘Card Shark’ – Really? NO! a ‘Card Sharp’ was someone you’d have to keep a close eye on (NOT a ‘closed eye’ on, either)

‘Drug’ is NOT the past tense of ‘Drag’ - “I drug him…” means I administer drugs, not: “I took hold of his collar and dragged him away.” I suppose the word just ‘Snuck’ into the language and stayed, but that’s also wrong, the past tense of sneak is ‘Sneaked’.

I know you may think I’m being ‘Persnicketty’ about things that don’t really matter, but the fact is, the word is ‘Pernickety’ :/

Then, if you insist on ‘Prostrate’ rather than ‘Prostate’, I would imagine you’re lying down rather than talking about a gland.

‘Supposably’ is not correct either – ‘Supposedly’ is.

A number of silly mistakes found their way onto Twitter recently.
For example:

The smell of her boyfriend’s ‘colon’ rather than ‘Cologne’

‘Take for granite’ rather than ‘Take for granted’

‘Lack Toes Intolerant’ rather than ‘lactose’ – dear lord, do we have to lose digits before we get these terms correct?

‘Tenderhooks’ – there’s no such thing. ‘Tenterhooks’ were hooks on a tenter frame used for drying woollen cloth so it didn’t shrink as it dried.

Try reading this poem out loud:

English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité

Dearest creature in creation,

Study English pronunciation.

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.

I will keep you, Suzy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Tear in eye, your dress will tear.

So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word,

Sword and sward, retain and Britain.

(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as plaque and ague.

But be careful how you speak:

Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;

Cloven, oven, how and low,

Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,

Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,

Exiles, similes, and reviles;

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war and far;

One, anemone, Balmoral,

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;

Gertrude, German, wind and mind,

Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.

Viscous, viscount, load and broad,

Toward, to forward, to reward.

And your pronunciation’s OK

When you correctly say croquet,

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,

Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour

And enamour rhyme with hammer.

River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,

Doll and roll and some and home.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,

Neither does devour with clangour.

Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,

Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,

Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,

And then singer, ginger, linger,

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,

Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,

Nor does fury sound like bury.

Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.

Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.

Though the differences seem little,

We say actual but victual.

Refer does not rhyme with deafer.

Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Mint, pint, senate and sedate;

Dull, bull, and George ate late.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,

Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,

Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.

We say hallowed, but allowed,

People, leopard, towed, but vowed.

Mark the differences, moreover,

Between mover, cover, clover;

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

Chalice, but police and lice;

Camel, constable, unstable,

Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,

Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,

Senator, spectator, mayor.

Tour, but our and succour, four.

Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Sea, idea, Korea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria.

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion and battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.

Say aver, but ever, fever,

Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.

Heron, granary, canary.

Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.

Ear, but earn and wear and tear

Do not rhyme with here but ere.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,

Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)

Is a paling stout and spikey?

Won’t it make you lose your wits,

Writing groats and saying grits?

It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:

Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,

Islington and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough,

Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?

Hiccough has the sound of cup.

My advice is to give up!!!

Did you manage it?
I have to admit, I didn't!