Why do we even argue?

We all argue, with our partners, with our friends with our coworkers so this subject is something that is not alien to absolutely anybody. If you have an opinion about something worth defending not only have you argued your point, you've gotten angry and in the worse scenarios lost control of the situation.

But why do we do it? What is the benefit? Is there even a benefit to arguing with somebody?

Within the right platform I believe the answer is obvious, of course there is a benefit, normally an argument in a healthy relationship, whether it's friendship, romantic or something else all together is the door towards a solution... sometimes with compromises but none the less a step forward. So my motivation for this reflection here is not to really talk about those.

Lets instead focus on the dark side of the moon for a second. The unhealthy idea that we often fall into, the “US VS THEM” arguments.

It's so simple now a days, you are two clicks and a scroll away from finding a post or comment that grinds your gears and the desire to tell this person how wrong they are is often too strong to resist.

But let's take a step back for just a minute and think about it, realistically… What is the end goal here? What are you expecting to achieve?

They way I see you this is a Y on the road, you simply can succumb to the self righteous side of us we all try to tame and call that person stupid, get aggressive or even worse insult someone’s belief or race and become an agent of bigotry.

Or you could think logically about the point you think you need to make, asses the situation and truly find out if there is a battle/argument to be fought for the sake of…. Goodness.

Now If someone requires me or anybody to make a case as to “why you should want to be kind to each other?” then this message is probably falling on deaf ears.

But let's talk about the harder choice, the road often ignored. When we chose to not really fight, but engage in a healthy discussion, a two way conversation. What do we stand to gain from opening ourselves up to the counter argument, what do we stand to gain when we exit our echo chambers.

The answer is not simple but it should not be disappointing exercising this sometimes painful path can lead to the discovery of common ground. The things we can find that we can agree on can sometimes outweigh the things we disagree on. This doesn't mean the aspects of disagreement have to be ignored, it simply means the conversation is anchored in the points of agreement.

This logic can and should be applied to almost all venues of discourse.

To bring up a heated subject, let me put forth as an example that both sides of the political spectrum agree that our Healthcare system is not doing well, they both agree that if it remains as is it might lead to a dim future for the country. They also seem to agree that reforming our healthcare is for the best interest of all Americans, but the implementation of such changes is exactly where they jump into polar opposites.

My point is that there is always valid points on both sides of the argument and if we as people, as participants of this experience called life want to be agents of solution, agents of change we have to stop feeding into the chaos of confusion and learn to find balance moving forward.

Arguments are good, but only if we use them to find a way forward...