Missing Definitions & Traveling home

I spent the better part of one week having very deep conversations with a good friend. To call my time in Brazil a vacation would be inaccurate, but not because I did not enjoy it, quite the oposite, but because we spent most of our time discussing life and did not partake of the "normal" things people do when they go on a vacation. I'm missing a definition here, but I suspect you get my point.

Home was all I could think about

But not because I was simply missing my own, but because that is mostly what the long conversations revolved around. That life plan we all tend to create for ourselves, the home we will buy or have bought, the people who will be there to share those moments, you get the picture.

You might guess the conversations where not of a happy nature and you would be correct. We the sapiens tend to not talk much if everything is going well, what for? if there are just no problems to talk about if life is great, we simply carry on. This may have to do with some complicated social interactions inside emphatic frameworks(emotional leverage and extreme cases, manipulation), but it may also just be an effective way for us to heal from a wounded psyche.

Interestingly enough my role on these conversations was once again "balance". I find this interesting because its not something I dominate in my own life, but then again maybe none of us do. As you may have experienced in your own personal life, painful experiences tend to add a lot of distortion to our perception of truth and push us to have extreme biases.

I've been there myself

I remember it like a long gone time now, but I do remember it clearly. Nothing was worth anything, everyone is fake, no one truly cares, and every single positive idea, every thought that would potentially lead me to behaviors of positive change where discarded with a "What for??" as if moldy bread had taken over everything inside the fridge.

It's never comforting for anyone to hear that "time heals all wounds" but it does seem to be quite accurate. Think about it, How many times have you been on a situation where you believed you were not going to overcome it? I'm willing to be that there is not a single adult on this planet who can make such a claim and If someone did, none of us would believe it.

My life is perfect...

Maybe I've said this too, but it was probably a statement inspired on a evanescent moment. There is an important distinction between euphoria, joy and what we could probably describe as happiness being the later something a lot more somber than we would want to admit.

Using the word happiness next to somber sounds like I added toothpaste to your peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but I'm willing to defend that position.

Going back home

I've brought with me a distorted lens, but not to use on my day to day or permanently, but more as different perspective and contrast. As I've aged I tend to be more comfortable with exploring less idealistic sides of my mind and give the black and white glasses a ride every now and then.

Now, this is not say I've returned jaded, pumped full of negativity or anything that grim, its quite the opposite. This just means I'm attempting to turn around and look at the blind spots, because we all have them, I'm no different or wiser.