Meister's Journey - Chapter 1

Chapter 1: About Love and Fear 

Here I am, sitting in a huge plane from London to Delhi. I left my apartment in Basel, only a few bags and boxes I managed to stash at my sister's place. All the rest I gave away for free or threw it in the garbage. For at least the next months this one rather small rucksack contains everything I own. And even this seems too much to me. My entire life I have been living in what is widely considered the wealthiest country of the world: Switzerland. And I guess I should feel lucky about that. Pretty much every materialistic thing is accessible to pretty much everyone there. Clothes, all different kinds of foods, all different kinds of electronic gadgets, the streets are clean. Even with the shittiest job you earn the triple wage of the neighbouring countries. Still, this all doesn't mean anything. It seems like the more you have the more you're afraid of losing exactly that. 

I found out a while ago that every decision you make is in the deepest level of truth motivated by either love or fear. By fear I'm not talking about the instinctive fear that is instantly activated in the case of an imminent threat. Because, let's face it, who has ever been in such a situation anywhere anytime? This especially applies to spoiled, privileged, white Western Europeans such as the Swiss. When was the last time they got attacked by a wild animal? When was the last time they had to dodge the bullets because they were caught in a warzone? The most probable case of such a fear activation in the face of an imminent threat is that moment when your mother knocks on your door while you are wrestling your one-eyed monster. This constant fear that I have experienced in my life and that I witnessed in other people's eyes is a completely different one. Whereas the instinctive fear is a reflex to a real situation, the fear that I'm talking about is completely made up. It only exists in one's head. It's imaginary. It's the fear of failure, the fear of disappointment, the fear of losing, the fear of what others think (boy, there's a good one). And it is no good. I already hear the voices of all the people who rationalize the necessity of fears essentially because they identify too much with them to be able to let go of them. "But fear is good, because if you are not afraid of losing something it only shows that it has no value." or "The fear of what others think makes people behave human, social, considerate, it keeps the whole society together." Every society that is based on fear - and I only know these kind of societies - is worth perishing. 

So what's the alternative? The answer is as simple as it is confusing: love. The reason why it is so confusing is because love is a prime example for a misused, well even abused term in this mad world of perversions. I use the word perversion in its literal sense to indicate a complete 180 degrees twist from the supposed meaning. People associate love with the feeling of being in love and therefore also making love. And that's it. The real love can, but doesn't necessarily include the two aforementioned aspects and most of all goes way beyond. I mean way beyond. When you are in love at best you get a glimpse of what I mean by love. The feeling of being in love, this temporary chemical intoxication, does, however pleasant the experience may be at the time, by far more damage than it does good. You build your world around a dreamy, close-to-perfection, over-romanticized and unsurprisingly imaginary version of a person, you make your own happiness dependant on that image and once you wake up from that dream you wonder at which point that divine beauty was replaced by this hairy, snoring, sweaty woman next to you. 

How fragile this feeling of being in love might be, it is my best chance to make people relate to my interpretation of love.  Remember how it felt to be in love? You are grateful for every moment. You are also completely in the now. You are completely aware, you soak up everything that is around you, may it be the singing of the birds, the sunrays shooting through the trees or wind touching your face. You realize that life is not just flowing through you, you are overflowing with life, you are so grateful that all you want to do is to give regardless of what you get in return. In that sense my definition of love, the spiritual love, is always unconditional. When you're fearful you're constantly thinking, constantly in your head, constantly in the past or in the future. But when you experience love time is irrelevant, it's not even existing. Instead of thinking with your head, you live with your heart. This in a nutshell is love and furthermore the quintessence of life to me. 

Most of the people that I have met cannot identify with that concept. For them it is utterly naive, well even stupid to walk through life giving without expecting anything in return. "You get screwed over! You get ripped off!" Although I am fed up with this kind of thinking which is filled with suspicion, I don't blame anyone for having this attitude. After all I used to be the same kind of cynic. But once I experienced that special kind of love, I knew what life was. And I prefer to live only one day as a naive hippy with this feeling of spiritual love than one hundred years in fear. 

There are so many people I have met along my journey that I sincerely love for who they are. People I have the privilege to call friends. Such loving, warm, loyal, open-minded human beings. The mere thought of them warms my chest area and makes me grateful to have them in my life. But also the family I didn't choose. My seven siblings, each of them unique in their way. Such inspirational, creative, courageous and tolerant individuals. To think about them and their good hearts gives me hope for the future of humanity. And my parents. It's paradox. I have never felt as much love, appreciation and thankfulness for them as I feel now, but in the meantime it's never been more important to me to sever all ties to them. The mutual detachment is crucial in order to live a life in total freedom. So I will have to let go of all my attachments, may they be good or bad.  I told my family and all my friends that they won't hear from me for at least the next three months. No Internet, no telephone, nothing. I am aware that it's a radical approach and I realize that I put them through a tough time too. 

I remember the worried look on my father's face. "When will you be back?" - "I seriously don't know what is going to happen, where I'll be, when or if I'll be back." At that exact moment I think I could even spot tears in his eyes. "Can I get the address of the place you'll be staying in? So I can trace your whereabouts case of your disappearance." - "It's the Babaji Ashram in Haidakhan. But that's only my first destination. Maybe I'll move on from there after a few days, maybe I'll stay there for the rest of my life. I cannot tell you. I also don't want to plan ahead. This is about letting go of everything that holds me back and about gaining complete trust in the universe. So no plans." It's a difficult decision, but this I know, absolutely the right one.  

Only a few hours till my arrival in Delhi. I have past the point of no return. This has to be it. Either I will become a monk or the universe will send me a clear sign in a different direction. I'm prepared to leave everything behind. Only considering the possibility of not ever coming back gives me a funny feeling in my stomach. Is it the fear of letting go, the fear of losing or the excitement of this once in a lifetime adventure? I only know one thing: No more compromises.