Vanishing Point #4

The good lady slapped a bowlful of green moosh on the breakfast table in front of me and I had the fork halfway to my mouth with its fibrous green load before I did a double take, making a noise like squeaky feet.

I lifted the fork up for a better look.

Close up, the moosh was all fibres and nodules like the remains of a sheep caught in a lawnmower.

What the fuck is this now?

I inquired pleasantly of my life partner and co-conspirator in the realm of child-creation.

It's Quosh.

She said with a strange proud gleam in her eye. A gleam that I had only seen once before when she had thought to get all three-finger on me.

Quosh? What, like the Raven?

What?

She looked confused. That was ok, poetry had never been the good lady's strong point.

Never mind. What the hell is Quosh? I mean fuckity baws, it looks awful. How can anything be that green?

It's blended spinach, ginger and Quinoa. It is very good for you. A superfood, in fact.

Hmm mmm.

I made a disbelieving farty barty face.

She stared me down, her gaze like iron. I broke under the onslaught and raised the fork to my lips. The green spawn slipped into my mouth like that foosty wet torment that grows at the back of an old fridge.

Her eyebrows raised in victory.

Well, what do you think? Better than overnight oats, isn't it?

I nodded, chewing thoughtfully.

She looked happy. I couldn't bear to tell her that this stuff tasted like slightly fizzy, gritty grass. I hoped this didn't mean that I wouldn't be able to digest it in a one'r and that the good lady would be collecting my leavings on a tray for second helpings tomorrow?

I snarfed the rest down as fast as I could and stood.

Listen banana-face. I've got something important to tell you about work.

She looked up from her big bowl of Quosh, her jaws masticating back and forth.

Hooommmooo?

She asked around a mouthful of Quosh cud as if she had an inkling of the horror that lay ahead of me.

I braced myself against the table top.

They are sending me to Jupiter. Today. One way ticket. No coming back apparently.

Her eyes shifted about madly in their sockets and if there had been a bell around her neck it would have donged sorrowfully.

Hufoom ooo? Ooo ay?

I am afraid so my little shiny bahjinash.

She looked visibly distressed and clutched at her throat, flecks of green gob flying from her mouth.

I calmed her with a steady hand to the shoulder. I had worked on a farm once when I was younger and had been known for my ability to gentle the beasts of the earth. She stilled and I took one green flecked chin in my hand and pulled it in my direction.

Listen. You have nothing to be afraid of. I will be back. Dammit, I will find a way back to you, no matter what it takes.

She made a narrow squumphing noise.

I nodded and retrieved my Long coat and Fedora.

Keep your squeakers on ice, baby. I will go to Jupiter, find out what has happened to Mikey and find my way back. You have a man's word on that.

I tipped my hat to her and made my way out.

To Ganymede...