The Bucket: redux
I had finished a long day at work and finally gotten home. The good lady called from upstairs, something about changing the baby. I quite like him the way he is, I chuckled to myself.
I wandered through to the kitchen to fix myself a coffee.
YURRK?!
I let out a strangled yelp as my eyes fell on something new in the corner.
What the bloody hell is this!?
It looked like a bucket. In fact it looked like one of my buckets. Wait? Had the good lady been rooting about in my inner sanctum??! I quickly dashed out the back door to the garage.
Oh sweet jeebus.
The garage door was ajar.
Tentatively, I stepped in, my heart pounding. She had been in here that was for sure. Stuff had been tidied. What the heck? How was I ever going to find any one of a variety of my man tools now that she had tidied stuff?
Was nothing sacred?
She had broken the covenant. The terms were quite simple. I gave her all my money and slaved away like a dog and she stayed out the garage.
She had cast it all aside. I mean for what?
Oh no... Suddenly my ever so slightly sleep deprived brain caught up.
A bucket?
I ran back into the house. The good lady was in the kitchen now, humming a jaunty tune as she stirred a pot of broken promises.
Mummy bear.
Yes darling?
She said this ever so sweetly, like she had been gargling sweet home-wrecker syrup.
What. The. Heck. Is. That?
I pointed with an accusing finger at the bucket in the corner.
Oh darling, you know what that is. It's one of your buckets from the garage. Remember? We need a bucket for the cloth nappies.
NO! I did not agree to that!
I hissed.
Well where else could we put them. Surely not the sink?
I edged close to the bucket. Oh lord. There, swimming in a fetid brown muck was a powder blue cloth thing. Boak. I felt my gorge rise. This couldn't be happening. I had forbidden this. I had clearly stated that under no circumstances would I share the house with a bucket of shit.
The good lady beamed at me.
You will be really proud of me.
What... Why? What have you done??
I grabbed on to the worktop for support.
I found a really good stick to fish them out as well. Look!
She lifted up a previously un-noticed stick of wood about a foot long.
Was that one of my poke'y fire sticks? It fucking was!
You have gone too far lady!
I stomped out of the kitchen in a massive sulk and sat in the garage contemplating the indignity of living with a frothy bucket of shit in the house.
That Doula will bloody pay for this.
😂 😂 😂 'The terms were quite simple. I gave her all my money and slaved away like a dog and she stayed out the garage.' Uh-oh🙊
Lol, I know. There ain't much to it!! :0D
:) exactly
That's bang out of order mate, how dare she mess with 'man stuff'?!
Control your woman! 😂😂😂
Exactly. No messing with the stuffs!!!!
Lol, never underestimate the power and knowledge of women!!! We are the better multitaskers...hahaha. peace :-))
When there were young, one of my daughter never tidied her room, while my son always did his one.
One day, my daughter complained to me:
Lol, quite the threat and a valid one at that!! :0)
hooo, nooo, this can not be happening, the ladies of the house can not invade private property like the garage and much less take our valuable objects and less for a cause like putting fabrics with stool.
I regret what you had to go through.
Great dear friend / @ meesterboom, first intrigue and then do not stop laughing until the end of the reading.
thank you very much for this funny story
I wish you a happy rest
I know!!! Keep out!! It's an unwritten rule which just never be broken! It's a sacred trust!! :0) Cheers @jlufer!
Diapers, bucket and fire-stick ... reminds me of a story from back home.
I grew up in a small town (<1000 people). Every house had a burn pile ... most used it for leaves and lawn trimmings.
There was one neighbour who was out burning plastic diapers in his burn pile. The stench was horrendous. The local fire chief (volunteer) appeared and the conversation went something like this ....
FC (Fire Chief) - "Hi Gord, some of the neighbours say that you've been burning diapers"
Gord - "No Sir, I'm just getting these coals ready to cook some dinner - old fashioned barbeque style."
FC - "Really, What are you having?"
Gord - "Ummmmmmm, Hot dogs."
FC - "How about this? Go get yourself a weiner. I will watch you eat it. If you are willing to eat the hot dog, I will not fine you."
Gord then proceeded to run into the house, find a weiner and a stick, then cook that weiner over a fire consisting of smouldering disposable diapers. As requested, he then ate this glorious hot dog.
Gord - "Delicious"
FC - "I am glad you enjoyed it. If I am ever called back because you are burning something other than lawn waste, you will be fined. Have a nice day."
To the best of my knowledge, Gord never burned anything suspicious from that day forward.
Oh man, that's hilarious. Imagine eating it. That would have been foul. Silly plastic burning fool!!
When I read the title, I thought, "Ugh! It's that damn doula again!" What did I tell you, dude? That Doula's effect will haunt you for the rest of your lives. Just when you thought you were safe, your drinking water would instantly taste like flowers!
It seems that nothing is sacred anymore. I keep shouting that to the world but no one seems to listen.
If you ever need a reminder why we get along so famously, this would be it hahaha! In the real world, I always get called out for it, but here I have a likeminded ally in you haha!
Hehe, it's great to have a slightly warped view on the spoken word isnt it. I do the same whenever anyone says anything slightly untoward my mind leaps ahead down the different avenues it can take and I am hugely pleased that my fellow brohemian (oh god, you've got me started) shares that trait!!
HAHAHA!!! FINALLY! I have been reserving that, hoping that it would be one that you would use. And it was! I'd like to take credit for it, but really it's a team effort haha!
Lol, team ftw!! :0D
oh man, that did not just happen!
when a man fixes things up in a certain manner (which some call chaos), we know exactly where our things are, and what they are supposed to be used for .. ohh the anguish .. how could you sleep tonight? (and due to the bucket's smell too loool)
I will ponder it all night long. She even tortured up my workbench and made space on it. It was festooned with stuff before. Now I can't find a thing!
oh a sleepless night it is then!!
man at times i have a small scrap of paper placed in my closet , or on my desk, on purpose of course as we always do with our "chaotically organized" manner, and then closet / desk is organized and poof, it's gone to la la land :P
And you will never see that scrap of paper or the info that was on it ever again!
haha spot on !!
I sometimes wonder if I'm a man in disguise. My desk gets steadily untidier and untidier, till there is barely a scrap of empty space. A couple of weeks I reluctantly let @sift666 tidy it up, before he went insane looking at it. It took him 2.5 hours and I think he found things dating back to 2014. Now I have a pile of boxes near the desk that I occasionally rootle around in, saying "do you remember which box my such and such is in." But I'm really trying to be considerate and am making a concerted effort to leave my desk clear very night. It's not easy!
Hehe, that is like me!! Almost exactly. It's a fabulous way to live. Well.. until you can't find something of course :0)
and then you have to rummage through every pile of paper at least 3 times, muttering "I saw it just yesterday, it's got to be here..."
Haha, oh yes. You have it exactly right. When you know you just saw it but can't seem to find it anymore!
Noooooo, oh I feel your pain! You know, my brother and his wife do the cloth nappy thing and I've never seen a shit bucket...hm, well that also might be because their laundry stuff is in the basement. Basements are definitely more equipped for shit buckets than kitchens.
I really laughed at the 'slave away like a dog and give all the money' bit, me poor boomy.
They will hide their shame in the basement. I know they will. I wish I had a fecking basement, the bucket would be getting stashed in there.
Hehe, I laughed when I wrote that bit ;0)
Basements are handy for stashing away all things unholy, or just yucky haha!
If my hubby reads this post, which is a pretty good likelihood, he's going to be bellyaching that you two are kindred in that lol! (Except I have no desire to tidy up his man cave, none, zip, zero hee)
She would never have gone near it if there hadnt been the promise of bucket treasure at the end of that rainbow! lol
I would love a basement. We have a floor space but its not exactly the same if you have to crawl on hand and knee hehe
She'll hear you and she'll be back. The one thing I absolutely hated about cloth nappies... The dreaded frothy bucket with the smell that permeated the whole house. Threw that thing to the curb before a week was out. I know, I know. Bad example to other new mothers who were enthusiastic about this because the Doula said so...
I know!! Why does it froth so!! It's tank. It smells too, the goods lady pretends it doesn't but it did. She claims the water stops it smelling. Lies I tell you. I might have to move out!
As a long-time internet denizen, this meme is what first came to mind upon reading your post:
Haha, I have never seen that one. I likes it!!