Survival

in #life4 years ago

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Dammit!?

I stepped back from the empty box and gave it a sound kick.

Fuckity balls!

I clenched my fists and made a strained growly face as if trying to jacuzzi a bath with my back fish.

We were out of supplies and that meant only one thing - I would have to venture out. Out into the wastelands that outside had become since the Coronavirus.

In the weeks since the announcement of the first case everything had gone to hell.

But, fuck it. A man had to survive. And if that meant getting out there and beating off rabid foxes and zombie humans with my big stick then so be it.

Wasn't so different from my clubbing days.

It was still dark as I slipped into the deserted streets. Like a svelte and sexy lone wolf hunting for meat.

I stuck to the shadowed side streets keeping low and quiet.

It wouldn't pay to attract attention.

But if attention came calling, I was ready.

I arrived at my destination without incident.

A broken down old shop in an advanced state of decay. It looked like the scavengers might not have found it yet.

Would I find what I needed here?

Carefully, I pushed open the door.

An old fashioned bell tinkled announcing my presence.

I froze.

Ahead of me a light flickered on and a shape lumbered out of a door in the back, the silhouette raising something flat and weapon-like in one of its hands.

Good morning! You're an early one and no mistake. What can I do for you?

The monster flicked another switch and light spilled out over the rest of the interior.

It was no monster at all. Just a balding man in his late forties. He was holding a yellow slippery surface warning sign.

You got any quilted toilet paper?

I asked desperately.

Afraid not. I'm fact I'm sold out of all toilet paper. Don't know when I will be getting more either.

Bald man shook his head at the madness of it.

None?

My voice was a horrified croak.

None. Have you tried Lidl? Some people say they have some.

Bald man offered with an apologetic smile.

Lidl!? I wouldn't wipe my arse with that shit.

I barked unironically.

I kicked the door open and staggered out into the street.

Fuck. I had better head back to tell the Good Lady. I flinched at the thought, she was bound to go mental.

At least we had an Amazon delivery due. The paper they packed their parcels with ought to do for a week or two.

But at what cost to our arses?

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I'm not sure I could add much more to the discussion here...
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A solid point!

Oh!! HAHAHA!! That's bloody hilarious!!

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Just buy the Daily Mail and Express. No need for toilet paper anymore.

Lol. I was thinking the sun and the star but they would do equally as well!

Plenty of options and, yet, probably much easier than selecting the right pattern for smoothness.

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Apparently it is scaring the living shit out off a lot of people.

Well, I hate to admit it and I'm a man who doesn't usually bother with that kind of thing, it got me a little rattled. You know when you have kids the idea that something could just kill ya is who unnerving!

True, that is a legit reason. It wend unwillingly through my mind today, what if... Not thoughts I want to have for too long. Hard to stay away from it though these days.

Toilet paper panic has not reached our area. Or maybe that's just the Lidl who still has plenty. Mostly there seem to be worries about the effect on the economy overhere. Still it is something that is hard to keep out of ones mind at all.

Just informed myself about it, now I can focus on going to sleep. Will still shop for toiletpaper tomorrow, but just because we're almost out and no Amazone package is on its way to us.

Have a good night mate.

I would definitely shop for some. We laughed when the first rumour that it was running short hit. Now? It's nigh on impossible to get, I eventually got some but only after touring a selection of supermarkets.

And yeah, it is a diverging thought that is not to be dwelled upon. Fingers crossed it will pass us by and we and our families remain safe dude.

Fingers crossed it will pass us by and we and our families remain safe dude.

It will pass, eventually, so cheers to better days ahead.
And in the meantime, stay safe.

Always. Although, I am hearing a rumour that someone in my work is being tested for it. FFS, obviously management is saying nothing. Grrr

If it is the case, then management has to state something. Even if it is a rumor, at least to debunk it, or especially in such an occasion. Rumors spread faster than a common cold and can be more dangerous, I think. Open communication is very important.

People should just call in sick when they are ill. Nobody is going to give them a medal of honor when they go to work while coughing and sneezing. At least that does seem like the human thing to do to me.

They would heal within a couple of days, in 98% of the cases of Corona. Kids are relative safe, luckily, maybe their immune system adapts faster to a virus intrusion.

Ask management to open up and be straight forward. Some find it hard to state, but they should do it like: Do you feel ill? Do not take any risk, call in sick.

If companies and organisations do not communicate openly about it I expect many people to call in sick. As not everybody likes to play a game of Russian Roulette.

This will pass, no matter what, but I think open informative communication and a realistic approach is extremely important right now.

I have asked. In a very nice way that is there is something of the sort then tell us. If there isn't and it is a rumour to quash it and say so.

What's the betting they don't do anything.

I have always been a fan of the open informative comms!

You’ll be alright. The amazon packaging will be better than the tracing paper you had a primary school in the 80’s.

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Hahahaha!! You know too much!!! Anything would be better than the glossy nonsense! :0D

There was never a demand for 2nd hand bog roll... until now. Watch out for it on eBay soon!

I hope it gets a good scrubbing first!!

We need that abrasive stuff back they used to use in public toilets years ago. The one that took a layer of skin off your arse while using it!

Lol. I think that is the stuff that Amazon jams ten yards of in every box!!

Makes a bidet sound like a good idea now I suppose lol. They have rationed toilet paper, paper towels, hand soap and sanitizer, paper plates and plastic cutlery where I live.
Imagine what would happen if a true emergency happened, what madness would ensue!

I know! I saw someone loading up on milk in the supermarket and I was like, FFS, it won't last that long.

Our supermarkets claim they aren't training yet don't have anything. Doh!!

You can use socks. You don't need those fancy drapes either. Cut em up.

I'm cutting, think the Good Lady will mind if I chop up some of her duds?

Cut first, answer questions later.

You could be a Glasgow man with an attitude like that. Me likey!!!

I'd just end up cutting up my bagpipes and kilt.

It's hard to pin the bagpipes down for the cutting, they are canny beasts!

It's hard to pin the
Bagpipes down for the cutting,
They are canny beasts!

                 - meesterboom


I'm a bot. I detect haiku.

Wiping my ass with your traditions is probably a bad move, right!

Potentially, that's why they have so many nozzles on the pipes!!

Me too! But it just got delayed a few days they say. I thought I had timed it perfect too. Old socks might work ....

There are too many socks! Oh for a world without them!!!

Well didn't see that coming. :D
Your arses are doomed. DOOMED I SAY!

They are!!! How will we get through this and if we do what will a land without arses look like!!

People will have to wear suspenders in order to keep their trousers up because how is that otherwise possible if you have no ass? Otherwise every day will literally look like everyone have been caught with their pants down. And that would result in jumping everywhere, not walking because it's really frustrating to walk with your pants down because after an hour you've perhaps managed to walk about 10 meters and you're exhausted.

Never mind the walking, how all I meant to sit down all day!! I will have to stand with my pants down!! Oh noes!!!

!ENGAGE 50

We will have to be like seals. They have no asses and they are doing fine.

That just might work!! I can already clap quite well and have a fondness for fish.

Things are looking up!!

Better go work out strong back muscles then. ...work out... OH GOOOOOOOOD!

I thought there was something fishy here.

Fishy. That's a rabbit hole. Not literally of course because then it wouldn't be fish.



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Hello @meesterboom,

It is a very good story. Unfortunately for me, it reminds me of several episodes of shortages that we have suffered in my country without coranovirus.

I think we live with other viruses, which unlike the pandemic that is developing, they have already demonstrated their lethal level that hatches in their hearts and manifests in the disdain towards those who govern.

There is much disdain to those who govern with it without any viruses. That is certain.

It's quite bizarre as we are not used to shortages in the UK. No one seems to be prepared

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I am prepared, prepared to wash my arse in the shower post turtle!

I have already been telling the missus that the shit stick is returning!!

Supposed to poke em down with that!

I heard some guy was moving the newspapers to the shite wiper Isle, fair play!

I hope he started with the sun!! Oooo, topical on so many levels!! :0D

What? My sister lived a few years in the UK, I never heard her complain about that. But times do change! The dangerous thing is getting used to.

I am hoping we never have to get used to it. So far it is just stupid people buying up everything. I do hope the makes dies down soon



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