Princess
I sat at the breakfast table. The rising sun spilling in through the window. The house was quiet. Steam curled gently up from my freshly made coffee.
Everything seemed just right.
The good lady came bustling into the lounge.
Daddy!!! Daddy!! The toilet's blocked?! You will have to fix it!
The good lady looked a little red in the face.
I took a sip of coffee and sighed. Oh well, so much for peace and quiet.
I will fix it.
I heaved my weary bones up the stairs. At the top, I opened the door to the toilet.
Auuueeuegrghghg!!!
I staggered back and almost fell down the stairs. At the bottom, I thrashed my way through the door and into the lounge.
What the flaming fuck is that??! What did you do?
The good lady face beamed bright red.
I didn't do anything. That toilet's rubbish. It's always getting blocked.
I took a step back in disbelief.
You didn't do anything? Do we have a pet hippo? Have you seen the size of the log that is jutting out of the bog? Its like a horse's neck?
It most certainly is not like a horse's neck!
It is, It's massive. I have never seen the like? No wonder your second birth was easy.
The good lady set her lips in a narrow line. Perhaps I had gone a bit too far with that one.
As you are well aware, Daddy, I did not deliver the little guy out of my arse.
I ran a hand through my hair.
Ok, perhaps not. It is massive though. Its standing clear of the water. It's like an iceberg. Well, shitberg maybe.
The good lady rolled her eyes like it was 1995.
Do you have to be so guttural all the time? Shitberg? I mean for goodness sake, can't we call it something else?
I flinched visibly at the idea.
We are naming our shit's now? Well, I am sorry but I am all out of shit names so shitberg will have to do.
The good lady smiled as her face lit up.
I know. Princess! That is much nicer.
My eyes bugged out my head slightly.
Are you for real? Has the breastfeeding finally addled your senses?
The good lady chirpily bustled into the kitchen, calling out over her shoulder.
So if you would be a dear, Daddy. Could you go and remove Princess from the bathroom, please? Go on, chop chop.
I shook my head and headed into the garden to find a stick. Of all of the things I had thought that today might bring, rassling with a shit named Princess certainly wasn't one of them.
Sometime Sundays suck ass.
That shit named as Princess. This is insane. How can a thing like that have such positivity? I am taken back by this reality. I hope the "Princess" can be easily removed from the toilet bowl. Upvoted!
The Princess was a battle hard fought but eventually vanquished!
Sundays are sometimes the worst that's for sure.
Absolutely!!
@meesterboom an elegant way to call the people in charge of the toilet, here in my house they are already queen, they stopped being a princess.
Many thanks for another fun day
I wish you a good start
Lol, they are indeed many things!!
I vote for going out, getting the stick, then handing it off to let HER beat the thing senseless and back to the pipes where it belongs. Why do we always get the shat jobs, even when we're not the culprit?
I popped a serious goofy gasket on this one. Funny funny stuff. Your little 'one eyed blinking princess' is priceless.
BTW, do they not have plungers in Scotland?
Hehe, I have a plunger but save it for drains, when it comes to the den of doom a good stick and a pooking works wonders!
Who knew, one learns something new every day. A good poking stick for the Princess and the Pee. And I can tell everyone I know, "I learned it from a Scot". Won't THEY be impressed.
They will host you on their shoulders in celebration of your magnificence!!
Well damn. You know you're having a day when the princess refuses to leave the throne. I hope the stick was enough to drive her away. Sometimes the only way for her to vacate said throne is through acid. We both know nothing good ever comes out of acid.
Nothing good ever does. Iam aunted by it still! The stick did a marvellous job. It feels like a shame to retire it from service! ;O)
Another shit post? Come on apple..come on!
Eeeeeuuuuu!!!
Sometimes it's all I can talk about!! :0D
Eww! Really?? A 💩 named Princess! She has gone a little addle-brained, hasn't she?
It's the breastfeeding, I swear. It's made a mock of her!
Well. Now we've got another one. Morning poo, venison shits, power shits, shitbergs, and princesses.
Do all princesses hunt with masturbating hawks?
Yes they do. Hurrah for the shits!!!
Your the funniest lad in here by a mile!😂 Here's a shiny penny as I am still in Oliver Twist money until I gets noticed on my own officier" [Tips hat]
Oh, I do like a shiny penny!! :OD
Lol you'll just have to see if you can top that and you can call him King!!
Hahaha, oh my, what a picture that makes!!!