Plums
Ah love plums, aye ah doo.
The Bear-Man panted as if struggling for breath as he advised me of this.
I looked around from the shelf of beers in his shop to find that he had shuffled his massive girth out from the counter and was standing mere inches away.
His face had an unhealthy sheen behind his bushy beard and his eyes were bright with what could have been fever or lust.
I hoped it was fever.
Gla raaraa glaa glaaaa.
He raised his hands to beard level and mimed the greedy stuffing of plums into his glistening pink mouth entrance.
I flinched at the sight.
Ooorrhhhhh, plums.
He smacked his lips in satisfaction and looked at me expectantly.
I looked back, my face puzzled as if Britain had voted for Brexit again.
Then it hit me...
Did he mean MY PLUMS!?
I reeled in horror at the very idea of my lovingly tended silk purse descending into the brutish hairy madness of his mouth.
Was he mental?
I backed up a step.
Bear-Man move forward a step, nodding as if it was a done deal and his plum dinner was mere moments away.
One of his stranglers hands reached out toward me and I let out an involuntary whimper praying to a God that did not exist for salvation.
Look at that...
He purred and with a jolt I realised I had closed my eyes.
Should I open them? Might it just be best to take the lickin as our friends over the Atlantic say? It would be no worse than a dog licking Bovril from them surely?
But no, I'm made of sterner stuff. If I was about to engage in an involuntary teabagging I would face it head on.
I opened my eyes.
The Bear-Man was cradling a bottle of beer in his fetid paws which he had plucked from the shelf just behind me.
Plum Pudding Porter.
The label proudly stated.
I let out a breath I did not know I had been holding and with its soft blowy exhale, other things in my body unclenched.
I held my hand out.
Oh go on then, give me it.
The Bear-Man passed it over with a reverential air.
I bet it's lovely.
He said softly.
It's bound to taste better than BALLS, eh? Eh!
I nudged him in the arm and proceeded to pay for my beer. All the while grinning the manic grin of a man who's balls remain uneaten.
Plum Pudding indeed.
HAHAHAHA!! Fresh and juicy for the picking. Awesome man!!
Not had any plums for years, this could be an interesting brew and certainly more appealing than Bear-mans plums - yikes!
I'm just hugely grateful that is not those kind of plums. Hang on though, maybe I should check the can :0)
If it doesn't make a fizz/pop when you open it then maybe discard?!
Hehe, I think that would be s good move. Oh, and giving it a sniff for fish might be advisable too!!
Hahaha, the joy of a rich fantasy, sometimes scary. And what a tremendous relief when reality turns out to be way less horrific.
Hope the sphinxter did not relax too much. 😂
Never completely relaxed down in the engine room. One must always be prepared!!
Oh yes, one must always keep, to some extend, some firm tightning clinchyness down at the netherexit. In some cases not even the slightest light suggestion of wind should break out. Cant be too carefull, or one might end up in some hell of a sticky icky icky situation.
Many a time,I have been in that situation. Funnily enough often around Christmas. On guard always should be the motto!!
How odd, around christmas, the yuletide of many different dishes that can mess up ones inside really bad.
In the future appearence of JLP he should add another one-liner: "On guard!" Would be even more fun if they had a party on the Enterprise and he would say it, for some reason, or in a foodfest context. :-)
Have a great weekend mate!
Haha, that works be rather funny!!
I am looking forward to the weekend mate and intend to have a grand one, I hope you do as well!! :0)
:-) Thanks mate!
I like plums but have never had plum pudding , but it does sound nice.
It does doesn't it! Here's hoping there's no testicles in it!
Yes that one I will skip hahaha
:0D
This is remarkably similar to how the U.S./Viet Nam conflict began.
Then that conflict makes far more sense to me now!
Ahahah :D watching the main pic I thought "why Meesterboom seems to be naked close to the plums?", but after the reading I can't stop to laugh 😂
Posted using Partiko Android
Haha and your were so right... Almost 🤣🤣🤣
Bawhahhahaha!! As I opened the post I looked at the image and thought, Maan those plums look a lot like nads!! I read on and realised you did that on purpose!!
Glad your nuts are nice and dry and you managed not yo be molestered by the bear man!! Also bovril is sssoo vom!!! I've never eaten if ever but it smells like they prob scraped it off someone's sweaty balls after a dog had his way with it!!
Posted using Partiko Android
Agreed on the Bovril front. I suspect it's s leftover from the last war or something!! Yuk!!
Must be, but clearly it's a winner for some!! Seems to be surviving on a international front. Equally as bad as fish paste!
I would honestly rather eat my own vommit!
Posted using Partiko Android
I sometimes wonder if there really is a market for these things!!
Dude people eat it. They produce tons every month. Its been around since forever. Like I'm sure that's why Adam ate the apple. He probably just could not stomach any more bovril 😂😂
Eéeewwwwwww
it is surprising what the flavour beer with, your test will be interesting.
Do you intend to add whipped cream?
Wahahahaha, I might give that a miss!
All these weird beers in that equally weird beer shop of yours in the wild highlands of the extreme northlands!
Can you not buy a simple can of Heineken from Bear-mans place?
Heineken!! If he sold Heineken CV I woke burn the place to the ground!! I've got Morrisons for that shit!
I was gonna say Kestrel, Heineken is half a point up on that!
Haha, kestrel. Now there's a memory!!! That stuff was awful!!!
I need to work on my English Vocabulary over weekend. lol
Have a wonderful weekend ahead mate
Hehe don't worry mate. Skilled linguists would have trouble with some of my vernacular!!
Have a good one too!