Iron Man
With the advent of the weekend I had a fair spring in my step this morning on the way to work. What with going to Edinburgh next week it almost feels like I am finishing up for a holiday.
I made sure to get in nice and early so I could finish early.
No-one else seemed to be in. I sipped my coffee and closed my eyes letting out a gentle sigh of contentment.
Mornin Boomdawg!
My eyes snapped open.
In front of me was Bambam, a work colleague I had known for some years. He stood before me, sweat pishing down his face. A gigantic plastic sports bottle in his hand full of frothy pink stuff.
His rampant sweating led me to wonder briefly if he was going to die of a heart attack and ruin my good Friday vibe. That would be a bit shit.
He didn't die.
It was worse, he engaged me in conversation.
You're in early mate!
He boomed from his massive frame.
Yeah, Friday you know. Edinburgh next week, I want to get stuff finished and out of the way.
Aahh.
He mopped his soaking brow with his arm.
Thought you might have been in the gym, like myself.
Upon mentioning the gym his face took on a strange expression, as if he had just fought a goat and won. He shook his massive sports bottle at me as if it was a penis about to blow.
No, no gym for me today. Just in early so I can leave early. I like the quiet in the mornings you know?
I thought dropping a subtle hint about the quiet might give him a clue that I wanted him to fuck off. Besides, if he stood near my desk any longer I would have to be getting the dehumidifier out.
It didn't work. He gave his bottle another frantic shake. He didn't seem to be able to shake it for longer than 7 or 8 seconds at a time. I felt a momentary stab of pity for him. Poor guy, imagine not even being able to give yourself a proper hand shandy?
Life could be horribly cruel.
He noticed me staring at his big shaky pink bottle.
He tossed his head back imperiously.
Bulking up.
He said, matter of factly.
What?
I looked at him to see if he was having some manner of fit after all.
He nodded at his big bottle full of frothy pink milky stuff.
Iron Man. You should get some. It's amazing.
I get enough Iron in my diet mate cheers.
He shook his head like a tired old Donkey limping into the abattoir.
No... It's called Iron Man, it's protein and metabolizers and carbs and all sorts of stuff. Really helps a workout.
I gazed at his big cloth-swaddled frame doubtfully.
And it's working for you?...
He puffed up like a breaching whale.
Totally. Totally is. Totally feel the difference man. The stuff is amazing. The only downside is the... you know...
He waved an arm in the general direction of his arse, as if he had farted.
What do you mean?
I asked, puzzled by his arse waving.
He looked a little embarrassed.
Oh you know man, protein? Makes the shits a little bit, you know. Difficult...
His voice tailed off. He looked slightly regretful that he had bought the subject up.
Wait a minute!!!
I exclaimed, my voice booming out through the office.
Are you The GruntShitter?!
What?! No, No I bloody well am not!
He totally was, I could see it in his face. The mysterious GruntShitter of the second floor exposed!
You totally are! The GruntShitter! Aw man, If I were you I would go to the Doctors or something mate, maybe an exorcist? I mean, what is going on when you are in there?!
I'm not the fucking GruntShitter alright?! Bastard.
Bambam slammed his big bottle of pink lambs jizzum closed and stormed off.
I leaned back grinning, ahhhh, today was off to a good start!
This is kind of fashion, nowdays...People carry those bottles with something inside and they act health attitude & are energy vampires as well...When this Bam bam vampire comes, He literally sucks all person's energy and after the talk, the person feels tired...🤒.
But this is paradox because healthy pink natural drink doesn't go with sucking...👹
HE is a vampire of energy!! But you are right, the pink didnt go with that lol!
hello @meesterboom, had time without writing! the drawings often do not leave me time :(
I always read your advertisements and only one thing happens every time I do it "I never stop laughing".
but today I said to myself: I have to tell you! This story is super crazy.
That friend of yours is a "chiste", the truth is that going to the Gym and something like this that I just read would happen would not stop laughing.
It's very strange the way your friend shakes his bottle has a problem in his hand, right?
frothy and pink milky substance.? What will that milkshake be made of?
Hehe, I am glad it makes you laugh ;0)
He is el Gordo! So it is double funny that he goes on about the gym!
nice job, you got rid of him and found out who the grundshitter was. It seems today was indeed an excellent day. did you manage to get out early also? I myself had the day off traveling to Helena with my wife to check on here teachers retirement for next year. Planning ahead plus a glorious day in Montana, 80 freaking degrees (that is F not C in case you were wondering)! :)
I am glad it's Fahrenheit!!
I did escape early. That sounds awesome, she must be looking forward to it!
Edinburgh next week- are you looking forward to the change of pace, or dreading the longer commute?
Gruntshitter. lol. hee.
Dont tell, but I am looking forward to the commute :O)
All that time on my ownsome just chilling with a coffee and my kindle!! Woot woot!
Haha, o boy so rude, but some guys just deserve it, lecturing others while their body tells that they have no clue. Protein by the way loosens up your stool.
Also lols to hand shandy, nevet heard that expression before :)
I made up that expression! :O) I have a knack with making up new terms to describe things like that :OD
And it made its round all the way into the wiktionary already :) Or did i misinterpreted the meaning? :)
https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/hand_shandy
Damn! I really thought I had made it up!! I must have heard it and it stopped into my subconscious!
Definitely, I often have the feeling that all thoughts are shared until someone picks one up and brings it into fruition.
Yes, I do think the same!!
Such a companion is never absent from the office, luckily you have a great ability to get out your fellow employees. well done. finally it turned out a great day.
Funny read dear friend @meesterboom.
I wish you a wonderful evening
I do have a knack of chasing them away :OD
Bahahahahaha The Gruntshitter!!! Sounds like he has been leaving bombs around and dropping people like Mohammad Ali in Manilla. How can you infer you're having ass problems and then deny it in the same breath? The morning quiet is the best time of the day. I love getting to work early and working away with my coffee and the quiet. Nothing worse than when a colleague comes into my room during my quiet time to have a meaningless discussion. Just ruins a wonderful start to your day. Glad the Gruntshitter gave you something to bring the day back to golden.
I love that time in the morning. Just sitting chilling, you can get a huge amount of work domne too unless someone spoils it!
Hehe, I suspect he isnt the gruntshitter but boy it was funny acusing him of it!
"You totally are!!"
I am totally laughing...good one!!!
Hehe, he pure is, exposed!!
That was so fun!
Priceless! For us, I mean. You of course, will probably pay for such thoughts, what with going to hell and the torture stuff :))
HAhahahahha, yes, I might pay for it but it was dashed worth it! :O)
Hahahaha. Well at least you got rid of him. Good use of the hand shandy expression as well. I had to explain that to someone on discord other day. I was very surprised they hadn't heard it, although now I'm wondering if it's a British thing and not a common Aussie expression like I thought.
Lol, I actually genuinely thought I had made it up but googled it and see it exists already, dammit!
I suspect it is very British!