Expelliarmus

I stared out the window of my office. Friday, at long last. I was quite literally making cheese fritters in my pants at the thought of finishing up for the weekend.

I checked the clock. Almost lunchtime. Woot woot, this day was going quite quickly as well. Only a few hours after lunch and boom! I would be home and living it large.

My phone pinged with a WhatsApp message from the good lady.

Hey Daddy-Bear, What are the chances you could get a half-day today? There might be something special waiting for you at home ;O)

A winky face.

A winky face at the end of her message?!

Was the Good Lady putting the moves on me? Was she looking for a bit of afternoon McLovin? Hells bells, the weekend was off to a fine start!

My Salty Wand began twitching and sniffing the air at the expectation of some expelliarmus action.

I rattled out a quick reply, my fingers dancing like miniature penises over my virtual keyboard.

Consider it done, babycheeks. I'm coming.

I hit send.

In mere moments I had schmoozed El Jefe with some compliments about his silly looking Friday shirt and the afternoon was mine.

My fingers drummed out an impatient beat on the table of the train as it slowly rattled and rumbled its way along the tracks.

My phone pinged again.

Can you still do it if it's dripping? :op

I read it again.

Can I still do it if it's dripping?!?!?!??!

HA! CAN I? OH YES, I CAN!!!

I couldn't help but let out a little Mohohohwahr. The lady across from me gave me an odd look. I shook my head slightly at her, you will need to wait your turn train-lady. I have me a date waiting back home.

Eventually, it was my stop.

My head was aflame as I arrived home and thundered up the steps to my front door. The porch was wet from the recent rain and a big drop plopped onto my head as I fiddled with the keys to get in.

Unlocking the door I bounded into the living room my pelvis thrusting before me like a rampant lion bringing down a gazelle.

The Good Lady looked up from her book.

The little boom was contentedly sooking away on one of her bing-bongs.

I raised an eyebrow, the vibe wasn't quite as sexy sexy as I was expecting. Deep in my pants, my penis whispered softly.

Expelliarmus?

The Good Lady put her book down.

Did you see it? Your ladder arrived this morning. You know, the one you said you were waiting for so you could fix the leaky porch?

She smiled happily.

I stared at her in abject dismay.

My Ladder?

I croaked.

Yes, it's outside. Didn't you see it when you came in?

I hadn't seen it. All I had seen was jiggy potential. A great big sigh whooshed out of me.

Expelliarmus????

Whispered my penis again, this time with a tinge of sorrow and disappointment.

No expelliarmus, my friend. Not today.