GIVE IT A TITLE

Wonders they say shall never cease. I've never concurred more to that slab than I did today.

The whole drama happened at the GTbank ATM centre close to where I stay. I happened to be the fifth on the not-so-moving queue as only two out of the six booths were functioning. The air was still and although the sun wasn't blazing hot, there's something particularly distressing about having to be stuck in a queue that's more or less sluggish.

It was under this unfriendly condition that the next customer, the principal actor of this write-up, walked up to the booth. A middle-aged woman with her low-cut Jerry curls, nerd glasses propped on her face, a corporate gown worn over her petite frame and that overly gigantic, out-of-place handbag strapped on her left shoulder. From where I was standing, she looked like one of those secondary school kids that had a way of sticking out of the crowd like a sour thumb. She looked clerk-ish. A woman who spends most of her free time adjusting her reading glasses whilst trying to digest an unpopular piece in an old journal.

That was how this woman with the seemingly odd characteristics crouched down in front of the booth, pulled free her humongous handbag and right before everyone, pulled out one neatly folded newspaper.
I don't think anything has shocked me more but the record-breaking was only just beginning.

This woman, seemingly oblivious of the many individuals standing on the queue started flipping through the pages of the newspaper she had just pulled out from her handbag!
She was so meticulous with what she was doing, making sure to pause at each page, scroll through with her index finger pointing at articles and her neck craned forward for well, better viewing.

The lady standing directly behind me was the first to clasp her hand before placing it on her chest (insert breasts) with a look of hilarity etched on her face. I, on the other hand, was too perplexed to even give an expression.
Well glory to the gods as the other booth was still functioning but you know what they say about two heads being better than one. The movement only got more sluggish!

Obviously having it with the ridiculous drama playing out, one guy with the stride of a gazelle and the gait of a bouncer strode forward all the way from his position at the back.

"Madam," he began on getting to where she was standing with the newspaper widespread on her right hand, obviously trying to contain his fiery temper as the words came out through clenched teeth, "with all due respect, people are waiting. You can't be doing this here. It's wrong."
Oh I could feel the tension gather more temperature at that point. It was going to be my turn to transact after one more person but I had already made up my mind to allow the lady after me go first.
This amebo, I have to finish.

The woman turned to him with what I should call a look of disgust on her face apparently over the distraction the guy was causing her and with so much sassiness dripping from her voice spat, "And with all due respect, Mister..."

At this point I exclaimed a "Mogbe!" within myself. It was about to go down.

She was still talking, "It is my turn to make a transaction and it so happens that I can't find the account number of the children organization I want to send money to. You think I am enjoying standing here? If not for the noble cause I'm about carrying out, I won't be here conversing with you. Do well to ask questions young man before coming to huff and puff in my ears!"

Gba-gam!

I could have sworn I saw the guy fold his fists but before any more drama could ensue, everyone was chanting in different voices, different languages, "Koshi kuro jare!", "Abeg shift jor", " You think say here na your papa house?", "See this Yeye woman o!", "She even get mind dey speak English", "Where is the security personnel here?"

You guessed right. I was the one who made the last statement. Well this story has gone on for too long and my fingers ache.
To round off, it took the combined efforts of our vocal intimidation, the guy's stubbornness and the physical intervention of the security to whisk the woman to the Muster Point in the bank's premises where she is to continue her search and the carry out her, quote and unquote, noble cause.

I've seen it all in this country, Nigeria! I'm just done 😂😂🚶🚶🚶.

--Danyels Izuchukwu