Today in North Korea, a new type of cryptocurrency-based shampoo was launched, much to the dismay of Billy and Jimmy Lee and all the citizens who live below hair-care interests... Panicked rabbits put their eyebrows down and began digging tunnels to Kentucky Fried Rabbits...

"Some are calling this debacle a very ominous twist of events..." said Albert Einstein, when summoned in a seance... "If you ask me, though, I just like the sound of the word ominous". Spokesmen from Head And Shoulders™ were of one accord, and sent a raven carrying a message in a bottle that said, "This bottle is really way too heavy for this raven; so if it reaches you, you can be sure we're really pissed off".

Nobody is certain how many aloof narcissists were caught in the accidental fallout caused by the launch of the beauty product... Some lost their vintage baseball caps along with their livelihoods... Zoot had this to say about the hairless idlers and this latest crisis, "You can always fool a foolproof and foolhardy fool!"

Meanwhile, President Jeremy Bollucks assured the entire population of Nightdarkistan that all hair will be restored to its normal position, "As soon as I CAN DO IT MYSELF! ... The Pope retweeted that bitcoin communion wafers will distributed to anyone with a Sense of urgency, a deep motivation to share a group mentality and, most importantly, a VERY valid VISA or Mastercard.

The End