Emotional dependence

-What happened, my friend? -I asked Lolimar this morning, she answered me crying.

-It's been 5 months since José and I broke up, and I can't eat, breathe or sleep, it's a life that consumes me so much loneliness and pain!

I thought, but five months is a long time, and I started to remember that almost perfect relationship they both had, where she went out of her way to please him and please him, gave him gifts, accompanied him everywhere, helped him finish his degree, buy clothes, they were perfect as she said.

On the other end of the phone, he repeated incessantly

-I need it so much, I can't live like this!

And it was true, my poor friend was suffering, she was suffering for a love that lasted 3 years and where both had given themselves and each other so much.... That's when I stopped, one to the other, was that really so? Well, for a moment I stopped and began to see everything from another angle, and I realized that Lolimar had made that relationship an unhealthy dependency, she had put Jose in such a high place that she practically turned her whole life, grief, feelings and emotional state to how Jose's mood behaved.

She had created a very strong degree of emotional dependence and her whole life revolved around his approval and companionship, and her entire being was subordinated to how Joseph was.

This type of relationship is toxic to the maximum for both, only that one of them does not realize it, because it is like an umbilical cord attached to the other where he/she cannot live if the other does not send affection, approval even orders to the point of being completely manipulated by the one who is adored at that moment.

What leads a woman (in this case) to depend on someone in a love relationship?

.- Fear of being alone

-. Very low self-esteem

-. Be negative at all times

.- Not possessing a clear personality of its own.

.- Not having clear goals

I wondered how I didn't see the symptoms of this relationship before, and began to list them

1.- There is an obsession with someone

2.- An almost unhealthy fear of losing or being separated from that person.

3.- Dependence at almost all levels of life

4.- Women become emotional parasites of men

Immediately when I saw everything that was happening, I called her and told her that I would go for her to go for a coffee, believe me it was difficult to convince her, but in the end we agreed to go out, I must start to make her see how wonderful she is, remind her of all the good things that "alone" she has done in all aspects, that she also looks in the mirror and feels that she is a woman who can eat the world "alone" and if someday someone comes along she can think and be independent of that relationship.

It is not easy to bring a person out of a state of emotional dependency and a grieving process due to abandonment.

Living as a couple is something delicious from my point of view, but also within that relationship there must be a space, there must be a moment for everything.

See you next time