The Envy in Me that rottens my Soul

https://www.google.com/search?q=envy&prmd=isvn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj9noiVjJnbAhVafCsKHYjQDTYQ_AUICSgB&biw=320&bih=490#imgrc=uoGoG9tNk55bSM:
I knew I should love my life because I chose to make it like this. However, I pity myself remembering that none of my plans came true after college. I dreamt to be someone successful and respected but I did not work for it harder and even turned to be someone else.I even regreted the course I took and rejected the course the they chose for me. I see others happy and satisfied while I dont see it to myself. I always convince myself to smile and cheer but those smiles never reached my eyes.

https://www.google.com.ph/search?q=regret&client=ms-android-cherrymobile&prmd=inv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiMpvW3j5nbAhWHb30KHR7zDmsQ_AUICSgB#imgrc=Tq0N9uz-1AJ6pM:
Yes. I am not perfect. I envy the world for it has everything. The wonder, fun, history and memories. I envy my classmates who made it to the top though they were the least in our classes in highschool. I envy those I've known getting their dreams come true. I envy their happy endings.
I envy people whose getting things that I badly wanted. Of course I don't let them see that I am in deep thoughts. It's embarassing. Sometimes I felt anger to myself for not pursuing my goals when I was younger.

I hate to see bills but I pay them with blood and sweat from work I never dreamt myself to be. I don't like to see my neighbors celebrating their happy endings. My insecurity is eating me. I ,sometimes,wish I was them. Happy, carefree and satisfied. I pray to God that maybe he will make a miracle for me. Even how small chance it is, I still pray for it.

I hope you will never be like me. Eaten by jealousy and insecurity, and couldn't be happy for someone else's success in life. I dont't drag people down but it is getting into my thoughts and it's killing me. I see women wearing couple rings while I don't. Seems they were very happy to finally meet someone they wantef to be. Oh this is the curse of being human. To be not satisfied of what you have. Everybody been through this. The unlimited wants of human sometimes overlapped by insecurities. This aint't right and we should keep to our minds.

https://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Envy#thematic_title_14742

This is a poison that generates hatred, anger and crime.God is good and He always has a plan for everyone. We might not be the one we dreamt to be but He had planned for us to be someone greater. Now might not be the time yet, but give ourselves a little bit more time and it will come. In God's will.