Mid-Week Motivation ~ Research on Firstborns

Let it go. It is not possible for you to control everything. Let some of it go, release it from your worried conscious mind. Allow your subconscious to relax and not take everything in so deeply.

I am currently studying the work of Dr. Kevin Leman and his theories about the firstborn child of a family and would now like to share some interesting findings. So basically let me summarize the first two chapters for you, and fill you in if you are not a firstborn.

Firstborns generally enjoy the first few years of their lives as the center of their parent’s care, love, and affections. They are mommy and daddy’s little angel. Not a care in the world exists for these beautiful new babies. The parents are all excited because they’ve never made a new human before. Every breath you breathe is a brand new miracle to them and they are thrilled about it. But then suddenly, and completely without this firstborn’s consent/understanding, they become an older sibling. A role model. A babysitter. A diaper changer. A cereal maker. A caretaker. A teacher. A helper. A mother.

They are no longer the only center of attention for mom and dad. Now there’s this hairy little monkey constantly attached to mom, crying, pooping, and needing everyone’s full attention. Everyone looks to the older sibling as a shiny beacon of light for the new baby. It’s as if your every action is now being watched and judged from a high pedestal. God forbid you do something that might be a bad example! How childish of you.

For me personally, the birth of my younger brother (when I was 4.5) brought about responsibilities. They were unspoken, not even assigned by my mom. I simply took over and tried to care for everything that needed to be done. (as much as a 4 year old can do at least)

These traits continued for the rest of my life. When something needs to be done, I do it. There is no need for someone to mention it, I probably noticed way before they did anyway. This plays out beautifully in my academic and work life, but maybe not so great in my personal life.

I am always needing everything to be perfectly completed and ready so I can relax. But of course, you can’t have everything be perfect at once, so this “relaxation” never seems to come about.

In the past few years, while working on my Bachelor’s in Psychology, I have overcome a lot of stressful life events and learned to define what I can and can’t handle to prevent myself from over exhaustion and burnout. But recently, I let it get to be too much and my mom had to remind me, “Let some of it GO” (even she knows I can’t let it all go)

By constantly doing everything, I am not allowing other people in my life to step up and do things themselves. And when things that need to get done don’t get completed, I get way too stressed out and it causes negative feelings in my life, even if I am not directly involved.

So for today, this is my goal: to let it go

stop singing that Frozen song, I can hear you from here