FORGIVENESS -- Should I.., Shouldn't I...

Forgiveness is huge if you didn't know that already -- it is a virtue.
Yes, it one of the six cardinal virtues in Hinduism.., believing anyone that does not forgive holds onto that negativity -- that anger.., and it affects their lives.

There is actual research that shows.., certain people are more likely to forgive… As the angry, more negative -- not only being less likely to forgive.., but actually still wanting to perform some sort of vengeance, up to 2 1/2 years later. We suffer and when we chose not to forgive.., and so do the people around us…

There are studies that show people who forgive are healthier, than those who can't "let go" -- "move on". That festering feeling.., you know, when something really gets under your skin.., and you just can't "let it go…" -- those are the unhealthy aspects of not forgiving.

So.., your healthier, don't feel so hurt, more optimistic, self confident, compassionate, less angry, less stressed --
and just feel better, over all (all documented!).

Forgiveness is a pretty central theme in most, if not all religions. Christianity taking center stage with this one -- forgiveness should be granted even when forgiveness is not warranted or deserved. Judaism, it's recommended but not required. Islam, Allah values forgiveness. I have read though., Muslims are quicker to forgive other Muslims and it is not recommended to forgive non-muslims. Buddhists believe it screws up your karma

But when it comes to sexual abuse… It actually empowers some victims of this heinous act -- not to forgive. While being able to forgive yourself is crucial to not only your well-being, but also the preservation of your life… Not being able to forgive oneself has been linked to suicide, all kinds of addiction, eating disorders, etc., etc…

"It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive.
Forgive everybody." -- Maya Angelou

But too much self forgiveness, as with too much of anything -- is not necessarily a good thing, though. It can produce a false sense of righteousness if we are too quick to forgive -- without first understanding and learning from the given situation.

It's okay to feel guilty about something.., without feeing completely worthless.

Acknowledge the situation -- own up to it, take from it, what you can.., and move on. Earning your self forgiveness can be an amazing character builder. Instead of just blindly forgiving yourself willy-nilly -- do something to earn it… You might be surprised at the outcome.

When you hold onto all that negativity, anger, resentment.., it goes wherever you go -- like your next relationship, or your new job -- whatever. It becomes a part of who you are.., and it's not pretty. You can physically feel it, when you "let it go..," that huge safe you've been carrying around on your back is gone -- you step lighter, smile more and play nicer with others…

Forgiveness leads you down path of hope, peace, gratitude,
emotional, spiritual and yes, physical well being.

But sometimes getting there can be a bitch. It requires reflecting on the situation, intelligently, objectively and timely. Letting these things fester for any length of time, as we already know, is unhealthy. Plus, things can become distorted the longer we wait to confront the issue at hand.

Learning and practicing how to forgive yourself and others will empower you to stop defining yourself by how hurt you feel. Letting go of grudges can and will change your personality.., your perspective and how you see the world in general -- your perception. With any luck.., you might turn into one understanding and compassionate individual (very admirable qualities).

Famed burn unit doctor, Dabney Ewin.., besides using hypnosis with his patients -- found that teaching them to forgive themselves.., or the person responsible for their burns -- helped the healing process immensely. By forgiving and releasing that weight of anger and bitterness.., they were able to fully concentrate on the healing process.

"Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much." -- Oscar Wilde

Forgiveness can be transformative -- truly life-changing. There are people (usually family members) that hold grudges for decades -- not even recalling what they were mad about... Resolving such deep seeded issues would surely change anyone's life.

And it is a conscious, intentional and completely voluntary act… Whenever we don't forgive.., we release chemicals, typical of a stress reaction. The combination of these chemicals actually effects your brain and your thinking -- leaving you feeling helpless.., and like a victim. Releasing all that.., and forgiving is a sure way to put an end to that...

It wasn't until around 1997 when an ex Wall St trader (greatest stock picker of all time, said Money magazine) started the Campaign for Forgiveness Research… Looking forgiveness from a scientific aspect as opposed to a religious one. They wanted to understand the effects forgiveness had on the body and mind.., scientifically.

Between a 5 million dollar grant for the Templeton Foundation, another 9.4 million from the Fetzer Institute of Michigan.., 43 scientific studies were done on the health impacts of forgiveness (how cool is that). By 2005, when the campaign concluded there were over 900 studies on the subject.

"The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." -- Gandhi

The most definitive research came from the a study on people with serious heart conditions… After going through some "forgiveness therapy" there was more blood be pumped to their hearts… Though while not a cure -- it gave these people much less of a chance of sudden death.

Then there are studies from the Stanford Forgiveness Project showing that forgiveness has psychological effects, as well… Elevated mood and an ever increasing optimism.., and on the on the other hand -- people that did not forgive were more prone to depression, anxiety and even hostility.

While forgiveness is a conscious, intellectual decision we make with our minds.., something else is also involved, something a little more irrational -- the heart. It strange to me that some of the best scientific research came from studies involving the heart (coronary patients)… Because to actually practice forgiveness and be the beneficiary of it's potential effects -- you have to really forgive.., and that comes from the heart!

"To err is human; to forgive, divine." -- Alexander Pope


Reference:
Mood and Forgiveness
Levels of Forgiveness
Science of Forgiveness
Campaign for Forgiveness Grants

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