Practice simulation
A glimpse of the present: Soldier on. Strawberries on Sunday mornings. Up the hill, down the hill. Too much blood in my coffee stream. Getting in the mood dancing. Less pain, more mobility. Random conversations at the bus stop. Less they know the better. I am trading, I am trading! Miss you. No time. Work, work, steem. Wouldn’t call this sleep. Patience training. Borrowing pronunciation fuck that sounded too Irish.
A friend of mine said to me some time ago you will wonder why you did not do it sooner. Of course, he was right. He is always right. I was stuck at the loop of procrastinating life and decisions. Tortured by anxiety almost all the time. Is it better now? Obviously, I feel absolutely exhausted at the moment. Yet I am way more focused and convinced I can accomplish things I am set out to do. Anxiety is becoming a more rare guest. Even my brother noted you sound chill. I guess I am pretty chill.
What’s the mindset? Every day is a practice simulation. Every task no matter how mundane, repetitive or frustrating is a lesson. Patience, being humble, being kind, and being the best self to self and others. Failing a lot is a part of the process as well. It is alright to fail as long as aware of the fact. There always will be the next simulation to attempt, do better. Negativity is for weaklings.
One day this will be all worth it.
A friend of mine said to me some time ago you will wonder why you did not do it sooner. Of course, he was right. He is always right. I was stuck at the loop of procrastinating life and decisions. Tortured by anxiety almost all the time. Is it better now? Obviously, I feel absolutely exhausted at the moment. Yet I am way more focused and convinced I can accomplish things I am set out to do. Anxiety is becoming a more rare guest. Even my brother noted you sound chill. I guess I am pretty chill.
What’s the mindset? Every day is a practice simulation. Every task no matter how mundane, repetitive or frustrating is a lesson. Patience, being humble, being kind, and being the best self to self and others. Failing a lot is a part of the process as well. It is alright to fail as long as aware of the fact. There always will be the next simulation to attempt, do better. Negativity is for weaklings.
One day this will be all worth it.
Song of the day: Delerium, Matt Lange - Ritual (Matt Lange Remix)
It is nice to see the change in the style of your writing and your mood, it is more organized, structured and you are ready for work, recharged. There are sometimes moments when we are drained completely, I have it now more often, may be because I know that in a week I have two days off and taking a nice ferry back to Germany. I really need my vacation, I was working through X-mas and NY. Wish you a nice weekend and as always it is nice to hear your thoughts and enjoy reading your posts :)
There is a change? I guess I am unaware myself, but I have to believe that there is something different since you are not the only person who mentions it.
Actually this week was one of those completely drained ones for me yet I told myself f this I will just push forward. Many people have no choice, but to do that. I am pretty privileged that way. I have a choice. I have only myself to look after while others have families to take care of and other responsibilities.
Have a nice weekend you too and thank you so much for reading! :)
First paragraph is one of these little journeys into your mind and reality that I have come to really enjoy on your blog. Those streams of thoughts and emotions that express so much in such a small space.
This line made me smile.
The emotional dissonance is palpable here... excitement against loneliness. I think we are rarely ever feeling only one emotion at once. Sometimes some are louder than others. We try to hope it's the positive ones that are loudest, but the opposite is often true.
It does suck that life is so exhausting right now, but I am really glad to read that your anxiety and confidence are improving. Anxiety is a bitch.
Aww. I always think of them as rather silly and no one cares or wants to know xD Glad you find them enjoyable.
Coffee is life, lol. I should quit.
It is very suck right now, but then there are worse things in life to worry about. It will be better soon.
Anxiety is a bitch 100%.
Achoo! !sneeze
This user has already been infected! Sneezing at them again does not have any effect.
<3 Just as you said it, it's some kind of exhaustion but it's better than some other bad feelings.
I got some feeling better days are slowly coming. But who knows, we must do what we can and Cosmos will answer us somehow. :)
Have a great day!
You know I feel the same way. I think of this as temporary, because good and great things are about to come our way. I am sure. Somehow. Maybe I have successfully convinced myself about, but it works for now.
Hope you have an awesome weekend full of rest Mr. Spacely! :)
whats interesting for me is at this point I have a "today is a brand new day" mindset. The past decisions dont really matter to me as long as my present decisions are on point.
I dont think that will make sense but in my mind it is sort of like a switch. I take joy in all those minor victories throughout day.
It makes a lot of sense actually. I am the same way ever since I realized that people are unhappy a lot because they dwell on the past, good times, or on promises of the future instead of working now, being now, making sure they make the on point decisions now and change their reality for better. Been there, done that and it sucks a ton xD
Thank you for taking time to comment SA :)
Now if I could only implement this mindset then I would be in the better place too. Anxiety looms around me sometimes. I am usually anxious about getting everything done I want to. Anxious about not getting to the things I really want to do. Anxious about death coming before i have a chance to "just do it".
Got to start somewhere and got to remind yourself constantly that every little thing done still counts for something no matter how silly and lame at the time it seems. I think we are too hard on ourselves most of the time, our toughest judges, but we must learn to be kind to ourselves first. Anxiety paralyzes, but it is possible to break away from its grasp by taking even the smallest steps in direction of things you wish to get done. Shifting focus on doing stuff instead of spinning around in the messy thoughts of failure and letting fear and panic mode to set in. Dunno if it makes sense.
Death is inevitable, but do we wish to spend our lives fearing it all the time or just doing until our last breath?
great article and very amazing photography
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