What's the ROI on Friendship?
Think of your 5 closest friends. Did you choose them or are they circumstantial relationships?
Whether we consciously know it or not, we adapt to the skill level of the friends around us. That is one reason that my basketball coaches had us playing kids at least 2-3 years older than us as I went through school. When we are challenged we adjust and become better - when there is no challenge we soften up and relax.
Speaker Jim Rohn is famous for saying that we are the sum total of the 5 people that we spend the most time around. Studies have also proven that we usually earn the average of the 5 people we call our closest companions.
So do these facts prove that we are just comfortable with the status quo of who we hang around? Or do we change our own behavior to match that of our current social circle? The answer is both. We enjoy people who affirm who we are and consequently, we begin to mirror their actions. Put simply, if you want to eat healthily, find friends who shop at Whole Foods.
However, in our daily lives, we often choose our friends on convenience more than the qualities we desire to cultivate.
We cannot always choose the people we work with but we can choose whether to join them for drinks. Personally, choosing to spend time with people who are better at a skill than I am has always worked out for the better. Still, there are a few tips we can employ when we are qualifying our inner circle.
1- Someone who provokes interesting conversations.
There are only a few things in life I enjoy more than a good conversation. It is invigorating to find someone who looks at current events in the world from a different perspective and does not follow along with the mainstream. I believe it was Mark Twain who said that if you find yourself following the crowd, it is time to turn the other way. I relish the opportunity to speak with people who think outside the box in their endeavors.
2-Someone who is a loving kind spouse and/or parent.
One of the most important relationships in my life is with my wife, thus it makes sense that part of my inner circle would be men or women that have a great relationship with their spouse.
My parents are working on their 37th wedding anniversary. They are part of our mentor team by default, and since we live in different states they encourage us to associate with couples that are 5-15 years ahead of us. My wife and I made this a priority when we moved away from our families and sought out couples we could trust, and couples who would keep us honest.
3-Someone who knows how to laugh.
Let's be honest, life is difficult, and if you are not around people who can laugh with you then you are going to have a hard time facing your failures and growing from them.
I saw a plaque the other day that said, "We'll laugh about this later, " that sums it up well for me. We ought to have people close to us who can spot our failures and laugh with us through them. The world is full of negativity but often does not have a dose of positivity to balance it. We all need those people who can help us re-balance when we stray from the path. The failures we work through are usually the best stories we share around the campfire.
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"Someone who provokes interesting conversations"
This is something I really value in people. I love technology but believe it has had a detrimental effect on the art of a good conversation. People hear more but listen less. People say more while saying nothing at all.
If you find a friend with whom you can spend hours talking with and exploring the mysteries of life, then they are a keeper!
Great post!
I could not agree more! They are a rare breed.
Also, I hear you on the technology conversations - there are few things that make people's eyes glaze over faster than a technology conversation.
Our thoughts have been condensed down to texts, tweets and snaps. Some things require more than 146 characters lol.
I remember listening to this podcast you might like. It was talking about this old pub in England "Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese" A lot of famous authors were regulars there. The podcast talked about how, I think it was CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien, would sit around for hours discussing life and reading each others works. It was really interesting...Ill have to see if I can find it for you.
Lol, it definitely takes more than 146 characters for a good conversation.
I am familiar with "The Inklings" and their meetings together. A podcast on that subject would be great!
Do you have an email I can send it to if I find it? If you don't want to post it here, you can just send a message to [email protected] and I'll send you the podcast after I dig through the archives lol.
Lol, that sounds perfect. I sent you an email.