Communication Conundrums

Have you ever engaged in a conversation where you were distracted? The people we speak with are not always that interesting. It is a common courtesy to nod and smile as we listen, but do we ever remember what they said? We like to think that folks listen to us, and can recall our words once we leave. The truth is, we may not be that interesting. Good communication is less about the subject matter, and more about the person.

In school we learn about vocabulary, syntax, grammar, and enunciation. But, who does this focus on? The focus is not our audience, the focus is on us.

I am not saying these skills are unimportant - we tune each other out if we don't possess them. The purpose of communicating is to share what we feel is important, and convince others that it is as well. The question becomes, how do we ensure that people hear our message?

People do not naturally recollect what you said - they remember how you made them feel.

It is the ability to develop a keen external awareness that separates the truly great communicators from those who muddle through their interactions with others. Examine the world's greatest leaders and you'll find them all to be exceptional communicators. They might talk about their ideas, but they do so in a way which also speaks to your emotions and your aspirations. They realize if their message doesn't take deep root with the audience then it likely won't be understood, much less championed. -Mike Myatt

We remember the name Martin Luther King because he spoke to our emotions and aspirations. Dr King's most memorable speech was not the "I have a plan" speech, it was the "I have a dream" speech. He communicated something that we all wanted. He could have detailed his plan with bullet points till he was blue in the face, and nobody would have cared. The bullet points would not have been our bullet points. Dr King talked about what he believed. Hence, he attracted people who believed what he believed, and they championed his cause as their own.

We cannot forget that people are primarily interested in themselves.

The great leaders are not just those that communicated what they believed though, the great leaders knew when to be silent and listen. People will hang around you if you are charismatic, and seem like you know what you are doing - they will give their blood, sweat and tears, if you make them feel important. How do we do that? A mentor told me once to think of each person I meet having a sign on their head that reads, "Please notice me." We show we appreciate the person we are communicating with when our eyes connect with them, and not with what is going on behind them.

It is hard for someone to stop talking when they know someone is listening to them. A good conversation between two good communicators will always be a give and receive. They will be leaning forward; nodding in agreement. We can think of it as dance with two lovers moving in perfect sync. It is a beautiful thing to watch, and it is a dignity we owe each other as human beings.

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Myatt Quote