The Practice of Humility

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” - Ernest Hemingway

I would like you to know I'm writing this for myself as much as anyone else. When I am sober for an extended period of time, which I am, my tendency is to become arrogant. I judge others more and act like I know what is best for everyone. I know where it came from. My father is one of the most narcissistic, arrogant, self-righteous human beings you'd ever meet. And of course monkey see, monkey do. That's what I grew up watching. Even though I strive not to be like him, the tendencies are still there, the habits, thought processes and beliefs were imprinted on me as a child. I am grateful for the awareness that these ways are not me.

This writing is to give you and me practices, modalities, and tools to stay humble as we journey through this life.

It's always funny to me the irony, the paradox of growing to know who I really am and still being humble. One of my close friends calls it humble badassery because there's a thin line between cockiness and confidence, between self-love and self-righteousness. I believe the difference is clearly in how we communicate and interact with other human beings. Because you can love yourself more than anybody else, but to see others as yourself, that is true mastery. How we deal with other people with the respect and the knowledge that we are not better or worse than anyone. That the greatest among us and you are equal as well as the darkest among us because we are all connected to the same energy. We all breathe the same air, walk the same earth, take warmth under the same sun.

So, let's look at some tools to stay humble as we grow in confidence. Already touched on one but is the understanding and recognizing that everyone else is on their own journey, connected to you as you. It is not for us to judge what journey they are on or where they are in evolution because their lessons are set out for them by the Universe same as us.

They might seem separate, yet we are all leaves on the same tree, separate, but together, interdependent of one another. Everyone one of us has their purpose, their gift, and their path to walk. They add to the whole with their experiences. Even if you've had more experiences than someone does not make their experiences any less valid, does not mean that you cannot learn from someone. Bill Nye once said, “Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.” Old, young, and in between, they all have something to teach, a new perspective to give.

Therefore, it is imperative to make an enemy of no one less you miss out on their lesson.

The next tool is preparing before you leave your home to consciously be aware that you are going to meet new people in this day. To understand that you've been waiting your entire life to meet this human. Not only do they have something to teach, not only are they a part of you, a part of the whole with their own purpose, but you also have something to give. Be it love, understanding, respect, connection. Can you speak to someone brand new knowledge that they are just as important as you are? If this is the first and most likely last time you're meeting them, what would you want to give? Me, personally, I like giving a smile or a laugh when I can stay humble, grounded, and aware.

The next has to do with meditation and I could write post upon post about this topic, so I'm just going to briefly touch on it. The idea is to stay loose. What I mean by loose is to not entertain your thoughts too much. The beauty of meditation is to realize that your thoughts aren't you, that they just keep coming and going. We must let them go because we don't we might forget that they don't run the show.

So often our thoughts grab us and make us believe that they're real and that they're us. Sometimes out of seemingly nowhere a thought will come and I can’t shake it and it creates an emotion. I’ll give you an example, I had an interaction with a new human, which possibly the reason why I'm writing this. My first thought and emotion were that I was going to put them in their place. I saw them as arrogant, and I wanted to take them down a notch. Of course, that just led to disaster. But, the thought grabbed me and wouldn't let go till I bent to its will. I thought that I needed to follow through with it, even though I know better. At the moment it was very difficult, but it is possible to let them flow and let them go. Stay loose.

Mark Twain, he used to write angry, vicious, vile letters to his critics. He would give them to his wife to mail. Luckily, his wife never mailed them. If we could do the same thing with our negative thoughts, just know that they don’t serve us and not to spew them to anyone. Sometimes I'll think the most vicious thoughts. Thankfully, I don't tell them to anybody.

What I am saying is can we just give ourselves the space? When you're in anger or arrogance, and you want someone to act a different way, can you give yourself the space to step back and pretend that everything is perfect, that we're all on our own journey? That no one needs to change for you to feel good. I need to say this for myself now. My feeling good is dependent on me and me alone. That is my job. The only person in the world that can make me happy is me. Just like the only person that can make anyone else happy is them. No one and nothing needs to change for me to feel happy.

The next thing is simple when we can get in the habit of it. It is respect. This word has many meanings to many different people. In my mind, respect is a couple things. Without knowing anything about a person, their past, their dreams, their hopes, their religion, it is to treat that person as I would want to be treated. The old golden rule. Doing this first, before it is given to us. Give respect first, do not expect it first or ever. We must give because it will come back, maybe not from them, but it will come back. Wouldn’t you want to live in a world where we all respected each other. We must be that change we wish to see first and from now on.

The other thing with respect is to have allowances for other people's grumpiness, for even their anger, to not react with anything but respect. To me, respect is the acknowledgement that they are a human being sharing this planet with me. They have just as many rights as I do. They've had just as many, if not more, problems, challenges, and struggles. I've been blessed with my lessons, and they've been blessed with theirs. It is to put the right foot forward and not react to how anybody else’s behavior or attitude. Not to react to whatever they say or do, as long as it's not putting you in physical danger obviosly. There's no words that should be reacted to in any way other than respect. Hard when someone's angry, frustrated, and lashing out to not react, not to become defensive, but please remember to not to take anything personally.

If you haven't read The Four Agreements, I encourage it. One of the agreements in the book is not to take anything personally. It means that no matter what anybody says or does, it has only to do with them and their reaction to their experiences based on their beliefs, and nothing to do with you. In my opinion, the point of all of this is to stay within the center of the circle. That your inner peace is more important than what anybody else's words, thoughts, and actions are. My alignment with inner self, my unconditional love, my guidance is more important to me than anything. This is my priority. This is my job. To be a positive force for change takes massive humility, respect, and awareness.

I don't ever want to feel like I'm treating someone badly or feeling like I'm better than them. They are on their own journey. They deserve love and respect because they are God too. I can love myself, and I love others as myself. I can teach others without disrespecting what they already know and where they are in life. I can be myself. I can be confident and bold without belittling anyone while always acknowledging their true self.

No one is perfect we just keep practicing at it.

“Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.” -Confucius

Good Journey My Friends