The Old Dog Asks Himself: Am I a Kleptomaniac?

in #funny7 years ago

  No really, had I suddenly become a kleptomaniac? Or just maybe I've always been one! I was disturbed and I had to find the answer!

 Definition of Kleptomania:  

  noun, Psychology.  

 1. an irresistible impulse to steal, stemming from emotional disturbance rather than economic need.  


This is the phone that I found in my pocket! Had I gone mad or did I really swipe it?

  Why am I Asking This? Here's The Story:  

  On Thursday after a long day of work (if you forget what I do please check here and here) I sat down with my family to enjoy a meal. As I pulled in my chair to park my derrière (hey that rhymes) my hand brushed against a sizeable lump in my pocket. I reached in and pulled out.................................................................. a cordless phone!  

  I bolted to my feet, looked in disbelief at the phone in my hand and cried out: "How did this get here? Have I become a kleptomaniac? What's going on? Who's phone is this? How is this possible?"  

     For about a minute or so I was on a guilt trip and in a state of shock. My mind retraced my body’s steps that day in an effort to calm my conscience and to come up with a plausible explanation.   


This is the view from my last customer of the day. Did I really steal their phone and if yes, why?  


After a minute or so my mind had formed a few hypothesis. Maybe I wasn't a kleptomaniac. I had an explanation. I knew what must have happened but would anyone believe me?  

  You see, the last job that I did that day was to clean the windows for a rather wealthy customer of mine. They have 2 kids, one is about five and the other just under 2. The 2 year old, Ricky, followed me around the house like a puppy dog and was constantly under my feet.  

 As I was working in a tight space between their office desk and a glass parapet Ricky was tugging on some wires and I saw the charging stand of a cordless phone fall to the floor. I picked it up and put it back on the desk. One of two things must have happened! 


Hypothesis One: When the charging stand fell the cordless phone must have fallen into my baggy pocket!  

  "Dad" my son belted out. "Who's going to believe that story? Can you imagine explaining that to the cops or in a court of law? No one would believe it"  

  He had a point there! So let's move on to another possibility.

  Hypotheseis Two: Little Ricky must have stuck the phone in my pocket! 


No this isn't really little Ricky. This kid is from pixabay.com and it looks a lot like him. It is though the actual phone and @peter-parker was kind enough to photoshop it into the kid's hand for me!


Now I had to call my customer and tell them that I had their phone because it FELL into my pocket or blame it on Ricky! My Italian's not good enough to spin that explanation I thought. So what did I do? I got @lellabird60 to call!  

  What a relief, they believed my explanation. I returned their phone the next day and I've been fully exonerated!  

 It's Official: The Old Dog is Not a Kleptomaniac!    

  Have you ever had a weird thing like that happen to you?  

  I hope that you enjoyed my strange experience!   

 Until next time,   

@kus-knee (The Old Dog)  

 Remember I reward the best comment on each of my posts with my "The Old Dog is Throwing You a Bone" program! So please re-steem and follow so that we can spread the wealth!      

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A fun and funny story, including very good pictures always appreciated on this end, thanks and namaste :)

Strange things happen when one looses track of time and lets the daily grind do whatever it wants , like drop a phone in your pocket.

You're right and thanks for coming!

LOL!! Good hypothesis!

Thanks to the real funnyman!

No a spy secretly planted it on you so they can track where you go. haha.

I saw it in the show Burn Notice, Person of Interest and maybe Nikita. So it must be legit.

Now you've got me nervous! :)

Haha, nice :)

Thanks, it was weird!

Hahaha good story..I know similar phenomenon with other people's pens ...

You're right about pens @steved! This though was a phone!!!! It sat in my pocket for another 6 hours before I noticed it! Yikes!

@kus-knee no one would believe that you are a klepto but thanks for the good read!
The bird saved you :)

Yes, the bird saved me. Thanks for coming!

Hmmm....Kleptomaniac...Maybe there is one of those hiding in my workshop that follows me around stealing all the tools that I JUST HAD IN MY HAND 5 SECONDS AGO.

Or maybe not. Either way, super funny happening, Old Dog!

Most likely you are the one following yourself around! Thanks for looking and for commenting!

This is very possible...Maybe I'll set up security cameras, just in case. hehe

The Old Dog has just thrown you a bone for your excellent comment! Check your wallet and then follow my posts at @kus-knee for more chances to win!

Whoa! That's cool! Thanks @kus-knee!

If in doubt it's always the fault of.. aliens!!!

Good point! They didn't have a dog that I could have blamed!

Hang on... There is a dog that can be blamed!!! ;0)

Is it an old dog?

I think it could be!!

I'm glad the customer was understanding and not accusing!

Thanks man!

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