Truth about Autistic Meltdowns and Pictures of the Aftermath
Many people have probably heard the term meltdown and assume it refers to a tantrum, this is not the case these are two separate behaviours and there are a couple of main features that can help you determine the difference.
The main difference with a tantrum is the child is usually attempting to manipulate the situation to suit their desires, to get the toy or lolly they want by embarrassing their parents into submitting to their will - or be humiliated by them making a scene.
This is our living room, our kids main play area - Katana would line things up then in frustration swipe them off the table across the room.
Whereas people with autism rarely have the processing ability to understand their action would achieve this outcome, an autistic meltdown occurs it is usually as a response to a negative stimul that overwhelms the person to the point they can no longer cope.
There are many different things that can trigger a meltdown in autistic people and no two are the same, both of my children suffer from meltdowns regularly and both are triggered by different things.
A long shot of the destruction, Katana wanted all toys out of the shelves and on the floor
Katana: will become distraught when I have to drop her off at school or leave the house without her, if she goes to an unfamiliar place or has to meet unfamiliar people.
When she is playing she is obsessed with building and balancing figurines on precarious pillars and becomes irate when they fall - even when there is no physical way they can possibly balance there.
During a meltdown she will often cry, scream, punch herself in the hips (self harm), drop to her knees, worse still jump then fall straight to her knees, kick, flail and generally throw her body around, she will also throw her toys, books and furniture.
Not every toy was sacrificed but she made a good effort
Malakai: has meltdowns for different reasons to his sister, he is often triggered by crowds and loud noises, unfamiliar places and people, certain sounds, lights and heat, transitioning (moving from place to place), having to wear shoes at certain times, to much physical contact even with loved ones and honestly sometimes I have no idea what has triggered an event.
His meltdowns also present differently to Katana's, he typically will rampage he will throw anything he can get his hands on this includes furniture.
He will often become violent towards anyone near him, he will hit and kick regularly, he will even headbut your shins if your standing near him, he will seek out people to release his aggression on (usually he prefers me) and is well known for devastating bites - I have lost count of the amount of times he has bitten me and drawn blood when melting down.
In the lounge room we try to limit toys, but as you can see Kai felt the need to bring in toys to throw down and then decided to add the couch cushoins and a chair for good measure
Both the following and earlier photos are of the aftermath of our latest dual meltdown, both kids ended up melting down - unfortunately this happens fairly often as Katana will start screaming and that noise will trigger Kai.
This was all done after we had to go to the shops to buy them new school shoes, this is literally the only time in the year I have to (or dare to) take them into a shop - because I need to try the shoes on them to be sure they will fit.
Next on his rage induced to do list, was to rip every item of clothing out of the wardrobes and remove all the hangers then throw them round the walk in
Needless to say this year's trip did not go well and resulted in both of them suffering through massive meltdowns, it started when we first arrived at the shops and continued once we got home.
When he had run out of clothes in the bedroom he headed to the spare room and attacked the indoor laundry, this time throwing over cloths racks and some draws
I have not included nor do I take any photos of my kids melting down, this is a highly stressful time for them and we are way too busy dealing with the situation to think about recording it - suffice to say this meltdown was of epic proportions.
In the play room for some reason, the mats were all picked up and the largest one intentionally flipped over (this is long awkward and heavey) Kai struggled for some time to acheive this and then threw the toys on top
Once we returned home the meltdown continued on and off for the rest of the day, after one upset my kids are easily retriggered and launch into larger and larger rage's.
We were lucky that eventually the kids were both worn out from such a stressful and traumatic day, that they fell asleep once their bedtime routine was started - I am so grateful we have established a strong and reliable bedtime routine.
In the end I was able to get their shoe sizes while we were in the store, mind you I had to go back to get the shoes later that night as we had to leave only a few minutes after arriving - I think we were in the store for less than 10 minutes in total.
Blankets, pillow cases and sheets were ripped out of the linen closet and thrown into the ball pit, along with anything else he thought should go in there while he was raging
The important thing I have to say is that although meltdowns are terrible both for the child and the parent, you have to remember that when a child is having a meltdown - they are no longer in control.
They are not in control of their emotions or their actions, they are reacting out of desperation and fear - they are not attacking you to hurt you, they just don't understand how to process the emotions they are feeling in that moment.
I have been punched, kicked, shoved, headbutted and bitten during both of my kids meltdowns over the years, and one thing remains true through all of it - unrelenting love, we know and understand in these moments they are not able to control their actions.
Katana and Daddy aka @ausbitbank on the first day of school 2017
They love us and express it in their own beautiful and unique ways, their behaviour during some of the greatest stress and discomfort, even pain is not something anyone should judge them on - in any way.
Just for a quick comparison, the following is a picture I took of the same room - it was taken a while ago and I have since rearranged furniture in the house, but this shows how the toys are usually kept.
Just after we moved in first thing set up was the kids toys
Unfortunately meltdowns are a part of our lives, the mess and chaos are just temporary inconveniences - our kids will always be with us and they are the ones who truly suffer because of it.
All we can do is just try to help and support them through any and all obstacles they may face in life, so they know they aren't going through this alone - and most importantly that we love them no matter what.
Do you have any stories of child rampages of destruction?
or follow me on twitter @krystlehaines
Growing up undiagnosed/no-assessed, I know that I was very rigid and had a few tantrums, but never to the point of tearing a room apart because my parents had no problem belting us for bad behavior either.
My son is an Aspie. He's nearly 22 and unable to interview well enough for a job even though he is physically and mentally capable. He's still learning his boundaries and triggers but I have been subjected to physical and verbal abuse often enough where I feel a bit shell-shocked.
Most people tell me I should fear for my personal safety because the potential is there. I cannot live in fear but sometimes I wonder if they might be right?
I truly feel for your struggle and I know how beautiful it is when the kids show their love. You and @ausbitbank are amazing.
Hey hun yeah it can be really tough, people don't realise just how strong some of these kids can be - Katana is tiny but insanely strong able to flip large furniture just for the fun and challenge.
I was also given beltings for not obeying and quickly learned not to step out of line, but I was also living with my grandparents that just expected a different level of obedience.
I have found with true meltdowns discipline doesn't achieve anything but to aggravate the situation, I often have to leave the room if Kai gets to violent towards me - just let him try to calm down alone.
But if he is thrashing all over the place it is no longer safe to leave him unattended so I will sit next to him, he will pretty much always lay on his back and bicycle kick at me - I then just hold one leg each and let him kick away but control the legs so he doesn't hurt himself or me.
This is exhausting and can last for hours at a time, but usually by the end of it, he has no idea what started it all and is just so exhausted by his exertion he falls asleep - the real trick is to try and ensure he's over the meltdown before he sleeps, because if he isn't he can wake up and it can start all over again.
I have such respect for you raising a child with autism for that long my eldest is 7 youngest is 5 both going up a year this year, I do worry that when they get bigger it will only get harder to control the outbursts and anger.
They are already so strong, I have no way of imagining how much more power they will have when they are fully grown.
Your son is at the stage in his life I am most apprehensive about in my own children's future, I wish you nothing but strength and love through the hard times.
I agree we shouldn't live in fear, all I can say is we all need to learn about the beast and just keep trying - because in the end that's what Autism parents do for their amazing kids :D