You still don't have the POV nailed, but I give you kudos for trying.
Here are a couple of good articles to read that may help you figure out how to avoid clumsy omniscient narration. Mostly, you want to pick one character from the scene and stay within that character's head for the duration. "In a dark corner there was a boy" is the voice of the author, an omniscient narrator. It's not something from the boy's perspective. Another example is when you headhopped into the woman's POV: "Her sharp eyes spotted her prey instantly." If we're experiencing the scene from the boy's POV, there's know way either he or we can know what her eyes spot. See how that works?
Omniscient narration, unnless done extremely well, distances the reader from the scene and makes it difficult for them to connect with your character. Headhopping can be disorienting and pull the reader completely out of the scene, which is the last thing you want. Focus on narrowing the scope of your writing to what the POV character is experiencing and show us the world through their eyes.
Thank you, especially for those in depth articles. I think I'm starting to understand how to apply the changes.
I will try fixing this post once more before it expires and then move on to the next exercise :D
Wow I'm imagining how that story illustrated with all that happened and it really sounds scary! I would love to read more about it, thank you for sharing with us :)
You still don't have the POV nailed, but I give you kudos for trying.
Here are a couple of good articles to read that may help you figure out how to avoid clumsy omniscient narration. Mostly, you want to pick one character from the scene and stay within that character's head for the duration. "In a dark corner there was a boy" is the voice of the author, an omniscient narrator. It's not something from the boy's perspective. Another example is when you headhopped into the woman's POV: "Her sharp eyes spotted her prey instantly." If we're experiencing the scene from the boy's POV, there's know way either he or we can know what her eyes spot. See how that works?
Omniscient narration, unnless done extremely well, distances the reader from the scene and makes it difficult for them to connect with your character. Headhopping can be disorienting and pull the reader completely out of the scene, which is the last thing you want. Focus on narrowing the scope of your writing to what the POV character is experiencing and show us the world through their eyes.
https://jamigold.com/2011/02/what-makes-omniscient-pov-different-from-head-hopping/
http://www.well-storied.com/blog/how-to-write-in-deep-pov
Thank you, especially for those in depth articles. I think I'm starting to understand how to apply the changes.
I will try fixing this post once more before it expires and then move on to the next exercise :D
Damn..... would love to see some creepy illustrations to go along with this, really made me wish it was longer :)
Thank you :D I'll consider it ^^
Oh wow... what happened next? What was it that she asked him to do? When is the next episode? 😨😱
Thank you haha. I'll have to see xD didn't plan it yet.
Wow I'm imagining how that story illustrated with all that happened and it really sounds scary! I would love to read more about it, thank you for sharing with us :)