More hospital stories

Today, around nine in the morning, a man with frostbite was brought to the department: fingers, toes, knees, elbows. Until they poured 50 grams of alcohol could not say a word. Then he broke through.
"How did you manage to get so frostbitten?" There is no strong frost!
Yes we drank vodka yesterday with friends, it seemed a little. Well, I - in the "resuscitation" (so local drunks call a round-the-clock buffet). On the street ... darkness, nor .. not see. Then I fell into a hole. I lifted my head, I looked at the fence, and my leg hurts. Well, I crawled along the fence. So until morning and crawled.
In the morning of our patient we found boys who were going to play football in ... a hockey box. They also called an ambulance.
And I remembered a long history.
Somehow in the autumn they brought us to the prison hospital of the victim. In the accompanying note the entry: "Found in the village of Sozim in a pool of blood, all in blood, like a pig." Why the pig should be in the blood, we still do not understand. The patient is in a coma, the name is unknown, the smell of the recently consumed cheap alcohol surrogate from the mouth, the bruised wound on his head, the pupils are different, the eyes "float", the pain stimuli do not react. Well, everything, we think - BCC, a hematoma, it is necessary to take on a table. We shave our heads, three catheters: a subclavian, into the bladder, a probe into the stomach. Stomach decided to wash. Here, our sick kind of how he turned around, began to jerk his hands, swear obscenities (this did not work very well for him). Trepanation decided to wait. They sewed up the wound, hormones, and the volume of the vein.
And in the morning the "imaginary patient" met us with the words "Well, we already had time to shave!" And some tubes were inserted in. Okay, at least not in a jail, but in a hospital "
Then we were frightened - a free man in prison was kept, a hole in his head was not drilled. It worked - Thank God! - He turned out to be a settler. We treated him for another three days and let the woods fall away.