When My Mother Dies

The picture above is of me and my mom. We were walking out by the river by our house in Montreal. We stopped for a coffee that day and watched the sunset and then drove home. My mom has not passed away, but one day she will. My sister said to me once, "I don't know what I'll do when mom and dad die". I remember feeling this profound sense of reality crumbling around me at the thought of it.

I have a friend that lost her mother at a young age. She told me she didn't have any regrets. All she said was that if she had a second chance, she would have done more with her mother. She wrote a blog about it and gave some advice that should be applied to everyone in our lives. She said to imagine that someone currently in your life had passed away, and from there ask yourself what your greatest regrets would be, what would you miss, what would you have wished you said to them, and then do it.

I thought about that and applied it to my mom. One of the things that came up was that I would wish I had spend more time with her, shared more moments with her. Nothing extravagant, simple things like having tea at the kitchen table, bringing her out to lunch, or going out for a walk by the lake, grabbing a coffee and watching the sunset while chatting.

As you can see, I took action.

I also thought about what I would say at her funeral, as morbid as that may sound. But in placing myself in the position of having lost her, I found all the little frustrations, the anger, and the irritation melted away, and I could see everything I admired about her, everything I loved. I think about it from time to time, and when I get an opportunity I make the effort to tell her personally. In this way, when I do loose her, I will not have many regrets. I can then take the time to mourn, to remember, and to be greatfull that I had her for as long as I did, and that I made the time count.

I would highly recommend doing this with everyone in your life. We can, in our minds, create so many blocks and limitations within the relationships we form with people. But things get real very quickly upon death, where there is like a filter placed over reality which sifts out the bullshit and leaves only what is truly important.

Cherish the people you have in your life that you care about, cherish the interactions with acquaintances and even strangers. Each human being has a story and something to share, and we can learn something that will make us better human beings even from the most seemingly insignificant moments together.