Kevin

This is a little about me...
I'm a 39 year old father of two beautiful girls. I am a supervisor at a manufacturing plant in middle Georgia. I work at night. I am single and I do believe that I am broken inside. I have been married four times. This is the first time in my life I've been single for more than a week in my life. I have currantly been separated from my kids mother for two years now. I have dated a handful of women in those two years, but have found it to be difficult to tolerate very much of a womans crap for very long. I am finding it hard to be single seeing as how I haven't ever been alone more than a week in my adult life. I've never lived alone more than a day or two. Being alone in a house terrifies me.
When my ex and O split up, I rented a room from a couple. That lasted almost a year. I then moved in with the woman I was dating. That lasted a month. I couldn't deal with her crap. Now, I'm paying the mortgage and light bill for my ex mother in law and staying here. She lost her job and needed help financially, so it's ok I guess. I'm not alone in a house, the kids always have both of us, and the bills get paid.
My daughters are Breanna (10) and Courtney (7). They are the only reason I choose to wake up everyday. I love them more than anything in this world. Courtney is disabled and a dwarf. She is the cutest kid you've ever seen in your life. Everybody just has to say hello to her. I have even had people pay for our meal because of her. This causes problems for Breanna because she feels resentment towards her. Her mother and I both show Breanna more attention to try and make up for what she doesn't get from public people. We always tell her how beautiful she is. I'm greatful her mom tries to do extra for her too.
I've been at my company for 16 years now. I started as a floor cleanup guy. In two weeks I had learned to completely run the massive three story machine that surrounded me and learned to run the heavy equipment required to keep it fed. It wasn't a small task but I had no intentions of being stuck in a $5.50 an hour job when they had jobs making triple that. So I learned every single thing there was to learn in my free time. In one month I went from being the clean up guy to the night shift lead man in that department. The only problem was, the old night shift lead man got to move up too and he was pissed at me. I came in everyday giving it everything I had and he was a loser, everyday. He hated that I would go the extra hundred miles everyday. He made my life a living hell for the next year, but what didn't kill me made me stronger. Every time he picked at me and pointed at my flaws that day I got stronger. I shined like a star by the time it was all said and done.
I finally got tired of his bullshit one day and let him know exactly what I thought. I was a 24 year old married kid who had a wife that I had been married to for five years. She totally depended on me to keep food on the table. I walked in his little office with my two weeks notice in my hand and exploded on him with a years worth of crunched up rage. What a douche. I had worked my butt off like I was getting paid a million a year. By the time I walked out, too much crap had come out of my mouth for us to work together another day. I was done. As I walked toward the upper parking lot I was met by the superintendants from plants one and three. These guys were actually having a verbal war saying this guy was taking me over here to give me a job doing this. The other guy saying he wanted to put me to work doing that. I decided to go to plant one. I worked for ten years in the department I decided on then a supervisor in it for a few more after that. They asked me to take over their night shift production crew an that's where I am now.
I said before that I believe that I'm broken inside. I want to explain how I got here. I really loved my first wife. We were best friends. I was still young. We had gotten married when I was 19. After seven years of being together for seven years, she never got pregnant. I thought something was wrong with me. I looked at her everytime a baby was around and she was drawn to it like a magnet. It killed me to see her missing out on a baby, so one night I just didn't come home anymore. This was the pre-cell phone days, so she couldn't contact me for days. She did show up to my job and we talked. At the time I thought it was the right thing. Everybody around her was having kids, she had nothing. I never told her what the problem was, I don't think? I just told her that wasn't what I wanted. I really loved her. She was so awesome. My second wife I loved even more. Right off the bat she got pregnant, like the very first time. I opened up places in my heart to her I never thought or knew was in me. We had this little boy. As soon as he was born he had to have surgery. His intestines didn't get closed up in him when he was being put together. Something during his surgery didn't go right. He didn't get enough oxygen. They didn't tell us this until the statute of limitations had expired on suing the shit out of them. We spent the next nine months driving to Atlanta every day to be with him. We spent every weekend all weekend in a hospital room a hundred miles from home. When we finally got him home, his seizures were so bad I had to give him cpr. In the six days he came home I had to give him cpr or rescue breaths 15 times. We later found out the medication instruction they gave us was way off and we were giving him too much. He had to go back, we couldn't handle him. A week later, I'm looking down at this child and what I said was really a thought, but it came out. "Is this my kid" killed our relationship. It was instantanious. This child had nothing about him that looked like me or any of my people. This wasn't my baby, and she knew it. A year later, a thousand dollars a month child supports, some days in jail because I was hungry and couldn't afford to pay, and a paternity teast later, I knew it too. This completely destroyed me. I only made it through everything because of the woman I was with at this time. I made her my third wife.
My third wife was a lottle bit crazy. An addictive kind of crazy. It didn't last a long time. Way too many head games, I never knew who I was talking too. The sex was great, don't get me wrong. I guess it always is when you're dealing with more than one person at once? We finally split up and three days later I was with the woman I made my fourth wife... To be continued, got to take the kids to school