How I feel without the tears.
I sit in this house by myself most days looking at the same walls 24/7 my day is me and my 2 dogs. I dont even put the TV on anymore as the pictures and noise make me feel even more lonely. I sit in silence a lot as then my thoughts are mine and not what's on TV, seeing some one having fun, holidaying, working makes my life feel uninteresting and a waste. Being housebound and in Chronic pain you start to wonder what is the bloody point anymore.
I was once fit, I was manager of a well known health shop, I had friends, I had a social life, My life meant something back then. Having friends round for a few drinks, going out to meet friends, working, even taking my dogs for a walk gave me a purpose to live, made me feel as if I was needed. Now I feel useless, I'm in the way, I cause my family a lot of work and stress as they have to do things for me.
My plans always get deleted, my big plan was buy a mobility scooter then I can do the shopping, I can take the dogs out, I can feel wanted and needed plus I would feel useful. It would give me something to get up for. Then something happens to all my plans my hubby being ill having to take time on the sick meaning my little pot of savings now have to pay the mortgage as at the end of the day that's a priority and I'm NOT.
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I threw out my television because I felt it was part of many things that were making me miserable. I felt I wasn't in control of my life. My life was dictated by my responsibilities to look after my grandparents and make a living and figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life. None of that was for my own benefit. I was concentrating on living up to expectations. Of course I loved living with my grandparents and taking care of them as much as I could, but one day I chose to drop everything else and start surrounding myself with things that I love. I began dancing and joined a bunch of different classes and groups where I would experiment with my own self fulfillment. Some things I dropped after a while and others I am still doing on a daily/weekly basis. I hope you will find a way too. Misery made me physically ill but I'm glad it taught me to put myself first.
Don't feel like a burden. Clearly you are looking after them too. But there are little things you can do to improve on your happiness. For me it was to take control of what I give my attention too, and once I moved to my own place I chose to throw out the TV, throw on my favoured music and try to do what I love for a living.
Best wishes, I hope I don't sound smug in my advice.... I know it doesn't apply to all situations but I hope you will find a way to create more happiness for yourself.
Thank you not smug at all, I'm glad you found your way out a this life is miserable, unfortunately I can't walk very far so dancing is out which is a shame As I loved to dance. I need to find something that I can can do and enjoy. Still searching :)
Try everything you can think of. Lots of the things I tried turned out to be not my cup of tea. But they were all worth trying just to discover what I love
I have tried a few things at the minute trying doodling lol its it very good, I am sure I will find something ... I hope :)
Wishing you the best! Seems like coming here and writing you have already found a way out.
Thank you :) It helps to write my feelings down instead of bottling them up.
Writing helps, definitely! This allows one to tame the emotion down and possibly start going up again! Good luck!
It is good to download and write can be a great exit, dear friend @ karenb54, but to improve you must start to think of positive. Above do not decay. Everything will improve.
Thank you. I do find wiring my feelings down does help.
I sometimes feel the same way, but you have started a new chapter in your life maybe you are right where you are needed.
"If failure has the strength to turn your life into bitterness itself, then patience has the strength to turn your life into the sweetest joy. Do not surrender to fate after a single failure. Failure, at most, precedes success."
-- Sri Chinmoy
Thank you . I am trying to feel more positive but sometimes the negativity wins
Samuel Beckett
I hope good things are in store for you. At times I feel this way too but I believe the near future is going to be a very exciting thing to see. So much potential is there and I think it could use a bit of support from us.
Thank you. I hope so, would be a pleasant change :)
Hi Karen, I totally nderstand how your feeling. I found writing on Steemit a great help. Take care
It does help sort my head out. Thank you :)
not good hun, shutting yourself offa from the crazy world is a recipe 4 even more problems, just my unasked 4 opinion :)
If u have 2 dogs & R bored, go ON; GET A KAT ! ! !
SERIOUSLY u NO u want 2 :)
hugz/ hope yr man is doin well, get him bk into the salt mines FAST ;)
[ send him back 2 work] !!!
Hes gone back to work? He got the all clear from hospital,he has to go an in Monday for his gall stones to be removed. Get a cat are you mad my dogs would go crazy and We have 3 rats and a hamster...are you trying to kill me
No I am not trying to drive u crazy, I am trying to give you free entertainment :)
In India they have morning LAUGHTER classes in the public parks ! ! !
Instead of doing YOGA in the parks thousands of people group just to LAUGH.
& yes YOGA is huge in India, but we are talking about laughing...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laughter_yoga
http://www.thebetterindia.com/5982/laugh-away-your-worries-laughter-heaven-in-mumbai/
Yeah i have seen this. To hard for me uses to many muscles haha
seriously, get your youngest hatchling 2 give u a manicure !!!
IT WILL B N EXPERIENCE :)
just DO IT ;)
She's good with nails but hubby has a steadier hand lol
and THAT is why you get your baby girl to do your nails . . .
(so you end up with art deco nails)...
hopefully now you are filling up your days with plenty of steemit and that it is bringing you joy!:)