Ella the BRAVE
Most of us have suffered rejection at some point of our lives...........real or imagined.
When that new baby comes home with 'my mommy' from the hospital it is usually a significant and often an overwhelming experience for that first child. Those 'golden days when anything you did evoked 'oooohs' and 'aaaahs' from doting parents sadly faded when that newborn appeared. For a time at least.
Remember the humiliation and rejection one felt when not chosen for the team.
Remember when that handsome boy or that pretty girl's gaze wafted over you , unnoticed, while your heart was pounding with unrequited adoration?
Pause.....take a deep breath and take a page out of the experience of Ella the Boxer dog.
She will show you how to cope. She will teach you how to handle that ugly feeling of rejection.
Ella came into my daughter's home as the cutest, brightest puppy. She was introduced to the pack of two spaniels, devoted brother and sister and three Boston terriers (two of them being rescue dogs.)
At first as a pup she was put into her cosy bed in a cage in the master bedroom at night so she was safe and could be attended to at all times.
One evening as usual the dogs were taken out into the garden for a last run before bedtime. The handsome playful rust gold puppy tripped up the Bostons in their race for the ball and hung onto the tail of Lulu the gold spaniel. Once inside, still small bold Ella escaped with the others onto the enclosed veranda outside the main bedroom. My daughter watched her wait until the Spaniels were settled together in their one big basket. She then climbed in clumsily on top of them and wriggled until they stopped snarling and baring their teeth. They sighed hugely showing the whites of their eyes but resigned themselves to her efforts to get between them and she was sound asleep before they could give her a nip.
Lee and her husband were amused and decided to leave her there.
And so the battle of bedtime continued under their watchful eyes.
Lulu the gold Spaniel was more aggressive in her dislike of the puppy. Hagred turned his handsome black face away from Ella as she licked his furry mouth for remnants of food and a growl vibrated deep in his throat for a second or two. They both oozed negative vibes towards the pup.
Her defence? And very effective it was........
SHE TOOK NO NOTICE OF THEIR DISLIKE OF HER.
She simply ignored the fact that they really didn't like her at all......She glossed over their objection to sharing their cosy bed with her and as for her effervescent happy puppy antics..........well that was completely beneath them. They looked down their handsome noses at her and pointedly looked the other way raising their haughty lips at her trying to send her away.... She was her captivating self, all the time!
She simply played until she fell down in a heap of exhaustion to sleep wherever she was at the time. She didn't mind sharing a ball, a plate of food or a bath with any of the children or the other dogs.
She radiated happiness............
Gradually over several weeks, bedtime became less of a struggle and Hagred would even wait until Ella got herself into bed comfortably with Lulu before settling himself like a soft furry blanket around them both.
It didn't help that Ella was growing quickly and Lee had to introduce a new bigger basket disguised by a bigger mattress and old blankets.
The real test came one day when Lee heard huge dog commotion outside. She rushed out to see the two spaniels on guard between the half grown Boxer, with an old resurrected bone in her mouth, and the biggest of the 3 Bostons. She summed it up in one and realised that Ella had probably raided Tigger's secret snack and he had attacked.
The Spaniels had become her protector!
So downright rejection of Ella had faded from aggression, to objection to dislike and in the end adoption.
So it has become my habit too. If I sense any hint of competition or rejection from anyone, in the queue at the bank, the parking area, in the gold club or in the church pew, I carry on as normal. Well not really, perhaps I put in a trifle more effort to find out what makes that person tick and like Ella, test it to its limits. I am delighted to report that 99% of people don't mean it personally. They are most probably having a bad day or a bout of indigestion or even shyness and the coldness or most probably imagined rejection fades like mist in early morning sunshine.
My motto has become, 'never pick up an offence'. It requires less energy with more pleasant results to simply smile..... wave a hand (never a finger)..........and then smile some more!