Actor

A joke-vaudeville in one act

CHARACTERS:

• Kochergin, the Saratov landowner.
  "Lydia, his daughter."
  "Tendons, officer, fiancé of Lydia."
• Struzhkin, the actor.
• Servant.

The action takes place in St. Petersburg.

The theater represents a room in Kochergin's apartment. Three doors: to the right to the billiard room, to the left into Lydia's room; in the middle is the day off.

Phenomenon 1
Tendons and Kochergin, with a cue coming out of the billiard room.
Kochergin. Ha! Ha! Ha! How I beat you gloriously! A surprising party ... And as I asked - what a blow, then either in the middle blouse or doublet in the coal ... I hope you do not get angry that I asked you a dry lot ... that I did not give any points to make? ..
Tendons. Oh, have mercy, why be angry ... for that game; you can not both suddenly win.
Kochergin. The real truth ... I've been playing billiards for thirty years, and I never noticed that suddenly both of them won ... So it's strange how the games are written ... So do not be angry with the dry party?
Tendons. No; I can only marvel at your art.
Kochergin. Yes, from this dry party at me and now a forehead wet ... Here you would look or see me in former years as I played billiards!
When I was twenty years old -
I played then smartly, gloriously!
With me, it used to happen, there's no slides:
I'll beat everyone up defiantly!
Though three thousand for good -
For ever I did not celebrate a coward:
I gloriously made cannon
Also got perfectly in a blouse!

Now it's not the same ... I can not be recognized ... I became old, and blind, and weak.

Phenomenon 2
The same and Lydia.
Lydia. Oh! Valeryan Andreitch!
Tendons. Lydia Stepanovna! Hello! It seems that I have not seen a whole century ... let me kiss your pen!
Lydia. Are you healthy?
Tendons. Healthy; but my heart is suffering ... my mother, it seems, has slowed down our wedding for a whole century ... but at last ...
Kochergin. Well, finally?
Tendons. She's on her way ... here's a letter sent ... what a virtuous woman! You will recognize her and not part in it ... She gave her consent to my marriage with your daughter ... how she relies on me ... how she loves me! Listen, here is the end of her letter; hair stand on end! (He takes out the letter and reads it.) "Farewell, priceless Valerenka, - priceless! "I will soon ... Farewell, my heart; take care of your health, dress yourself warmly and be virtuous! "Be virtuous! .. Such an expression can only be invented by maternal tenderness.
Kochergin. Here, sir, your mother will soon be ... So, in anticipation of a cheerful visit, so that unnoticed time has passed - we now will play another game ...
Tendons. Once ... I just called to see Lidia Stepanovna. You detained me even then ...
Kochergin. Eh! And I was just cue filing ... so I cut the yellow into the middle ... After all, you take my daughter from me, my last consolation ... you could, it seems, play for this game-another ... I will be bored ...
Tendons. Boring, please! You say that you will be bored? We will find entertainment for you ... Oh, let me ... I have a wonderful friend who, surely, knows how to play billiards ...
Kochergin. Well ... so what?
Tendons. I will bring you a nice little ... he will mock you and beat ...
Kochergin. Beat it? And who is he?
Tendons. Actor.
Kochergin. Ha-ha-ha! Actor. You hear, Lydia, they want to bring an actor to us ...
Tendons. A dashing head! .. Just laugh at it: it's lying like a rattle!
Kochergin. All this is good, but ... (He takes his hand.) Do you want to give twenty points ahead?
Tendons. Good-bye, I'm going after Struzhkin ... I'll bring it right now ... He said that he had been withdrawn somewhere; Well, the master is not great, another time he goes there.
Kochergin. I will be very happy! .. I like to laugh ... ha ha! and play billiards! The actor ... remember, Lydia, when we lived in Saratov and called some visiting technician ... they threw such knights that a miracle! .. And this is a capital one: it must be even better ... ha ha!
Tendons. Goodbye, then. (She gives him her hand.)
Kochergin. Ah, the kiek is good! Twenty-five forward ladies, will play; and an exhibition of ladies!
Tendons. Farewell, Lydia Stepanovna ... we'll see each other soon.
Kochergin (after the departing Sukhodilov). Valeryan Andreitch! Twenty-five - and all your mistakes do not count! Time suffers: we will play.
The tendon leaves.

Disclaimer: I just found these in my library. I do not have the rights to them,
I just them and decided to share them with you.