Make day funny (8796u)

Do these sweatpants and 5 extra pounds make me look like I'm in a relationship?

I'm not saying I've had a lot to drink, but my foot just fell asleep so I drew dicks on it.

all this spending on black friday... better pay your electricity bill first or next friday will be black friday too

We'd probably have a lot less crime if superheroes would stop making movies all the time.

""We're going to need a bigger pocket."" - iPhone 6 Plus