Make day funny (4661q)

I can build and fix small engines using only vomit, feces and rotted animals. Due to my gross motor skills.

Carl: Gonna be a hot one today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: Male ostriches can roar like lions. Me: Fair enough, Carl.

Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: Do these jeans make me look fat? Cop: You're free to go.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 80? Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day!

What is the worst about a being black AND Jewish? Sitting in the back of the oven. Sorry if this is considered extremely racist mods, please remove if you consider it to be!