Make day funny (3735w)

I'm always creeped out by the guy who seems to know the age of consent laws a little too well.

[on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim

No one, NO ONE, hates their life more than the dude driving a minivan with the stick figure family decals on the back window.

Why American Names Are Like ""Jackson, Wilson, Markson..... Robinson, Kenson, Anderson, Davidson, Jemson, Johnson"" Because This Is The Easy Way For Mom To Remember Who Is Whose Son.

Two Pieces of Cake Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please? Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!