MISCONCEPTIONS I'VE HAD SINCE I'VE BEEN PEEING ON MY MOTHER'S BACK (comedy openmic 15)

in #comedyopenmic6 years ago

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Hi there? I'm Joseph, but you can call me the guy who escaped the sexual temptations of Potiphar's wife, don't crack yet, wait for it and when I'm done send in the SBDs


SHIT HAS DIMENSIONS


Sometimes I use to imagine a lot of things and I know you're imagining these things too but we're afraid people will brand us names, the thing is how many of you use to think Alicia keys was Alicia kiss? I was 10 years when I first heard the name then I kept wondering "does she kiss people that much?" I kept this question in my heart for so long, how the hell was a ten year old suppose to know that "keys" and "keys" were homophones? forgive me if I wasn't that brilliant in class, but that's the problem, we often have so many misconceptions in life but I think I should face my demon and have people laugh at me


MISCONCEPTIONS IS BABE


Many people on steemit are really suffering from misconceptions, expecially the one's who are new here, but who knows the three "SSS" at the middle of @sweetsssj Signifies the three steem emblem on the old steemit logo? I betcha you thought it was too much typing of SSS and like maybe @abh12345 put too much numbers in his name like an alien

Hold on, don't bite me yet I'm still cooking, I use to think whales were people with 75 reputation upward until I got a 100% upvote from a guy rep 70 and it was 10 cent I apologized to my stupidity and slapped my foolishness, you see I never wanted to ask people questions I didn't wanted to be called a newbie, seriously the tag "newbie" is demoralizing, I was on a reputation of 30 but I was looking for the UPGRADE TO PREMIUM" button on steemit three days after I joined you know like most scams would have, Sorry I meant like some "click ads and get $200" websites on google, sorry for mentioning but those guys gave me heart attack and scammed my intelligence @diebitch you feel my stupidity?

As I was saying the "UPGRADE TO PREMIUM" button wasn't there and I will have to bear the name newbie. I saw @exyle's post it had 400$ and it was trending, believe me it have you ever seen a baby cub roaring at a tiger? Exactly how I felt.
don't kill me yet please, I'm under the influence of something strong, and if I defame anyone's character take me to court, I will simply well the judge I had too much to drink, now can i continue?

I replied a bot who welcomed me on steemit in my introductory post I asked the bot which country he was from, but as you all know, the damn thing didn't reply, many people would have fallen for this cheeky charade but excuse me if I can talk to whoever is in charge here? Anybody? I thought as much.
I will have to tell you, the thing is I use to think babies dropped from the sky, I never knew the man would you know have to erhm.................... did you get that part? Because I would never mention sex on this blockhain, Children of 5 years are now registering on steemit I wonder what they will post, their school homework? Anyways, I got to 15 years of before I discovered babies comes out their mother's anus you can't imagine the relief I felt when I discovered.


PLEASE LAUGH IT WILL HELP ME


Wow are you laughing? You should, even if my stupidity was foolish, at least I wouldn't let it waste you deserve a little bit of laughter, it will cure your PTSD at least
Now one last thing promise me to laugh when I'm done here, it will help me chase my career as a traffic controller, I planned to be cop in the future and in my country you need to be very funny to be a sergeant now don't even ask me my country I was born on a aeroplane ontop the Indian ocean that makes me from Oceania, is that a continent?
I would love to thank @bigram he loves to post about poop, he's a whale and thankfully he doesn't use @ginabot





I would love to nominate @rufans and @anomadsoul for this challenge,

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welcome to COM Jose!

btw...you should totally invite people who enjoy posting about poop to put in a #comedyopenmic post!

yes certainly I will, thank you

That anus thing explains a lot. Thanks for clearing that up.

Hahsha thank you for reading

that was a great ramble @josediccus , circles in circles. loved it.

thank you so much

why is there a double c in josediccus,
cc'ing himself?
that doesn't sound right

lol well I loving not sounding right, it makes me look special lol 😀😀😀

Not sure how I missed this earlier in the week - nice work!

I'm so glad you like it.

this is is!

your country?

umm... maybe you should pay more attention to your tags :P

or was this part of the trick of letting diebitch know of your stupidity?

NVM.

Welcome to COM!

it was all part of getting people to sound like you're just doing nyhehehehe 😂😂😂

Yes @rufans and @anomadsoul, come join the fun!!

It's my first time, really thank you so much

It is surprisingly stupid, that the same mistakes that you say, I made them, I really thought that if someone 70 voted your publication, magically you would rain $ 8, but the truth is a bastard who hits your face with great force, and when you are in the I do not think anything is as you imagined.

Well it was my first entry, I was nervous

ooooo.....really funny funny post.
this is mind refresh about funny think.....

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