Listening to Your Engine. A Lesson from Bob Newhart

Some of you may remember a comedian, Bob Newhart, known for his deadpan delivery style and perhaps the college drinking game "Hi Bob". A friend shared this Newhart self dialog with me a few months back and I thought I would post it here. While funny, it also informs at many levels.

Written to empathize with the general working population - those that work everyday for their employer answering the phones, making sales, providing service, building solutions and other activities that keep the doors open - the story does a great job at illustrating the everyday frustrations our 'crew' feels.

In the Galley Master's defense, having run my own businesses, I know the frustration of not being able to share the broader business strategy with all my employees. It is necessary at times to keep things quiet. "Loose lips, sink ships" after all. I also realize how easy it can be to inadvertently ignore those who are actually advancing the business. (I hope I didn't make that mistake too many times).

After listening to all the consultants, writing business plans, reviewing the analytics, tweaking the spreadsheets, calculating human capital and peer review, there is wisdom is going down below and listening to the people who directly interact with the clients on a daily basis. The people who are the engine of the company.

This is their story.

Picture the slave galley in a Roman warship. The Galley Master comes down the stairs and calls all the slaves to attention:

"Good morning gentlemen. I hope that all of you had a good night's rest. You guys remember that night. What was that? Four nights ago?"

"Anyway, I realize that we've been rowing for 4 days straight, but I was sent down here to tell you guys that you're doing a marvelous job."

"Now I realize that in our last battle with the Greeks, we ended up throwing our oars at them in a desperate attempt to fend them off, but I'm proud to see that our kitchen staff stepped in with a supply of wooden spoons for you to use instead of oars. I know they aren't the ladles we would prefer, but they are very well crafted spoons."

"Yes...Flavius...you have a question?"

"That's very observant of you. But no, your arms are not getting shorter. It is getting harder to reach the water. But that's because the ship is actually sitting higher in the water as a result of your officers taking actions daily to lighten the ship. You may also have noticed some of your mates going on deck for sunshine and not coming back, but I wouldn't worry about that.

"Also, those of you on the starboard side have a little extra reach. The captain has decided that all of the deckhands should be stationed on the port side of the ship because that way they can share ideas much better. That has caused the ship to sit kinda funny in the water, but we'll adapt to it as we always do."

"Yes Minimus, I know that your arms are a bit shorter than the others and now can't quite reach the water. We could move you over to the starboard side, but tell you what, next break, why don't you go topside later for some sun.

"I'm proud to let you guys know we just announced a partnership with Florence Forks, so that means we'll be replacing all your spoons with their award winning 3-tine fork. This fork has been all the rage at the palace in Rome and I've been assured it's the right tool for the job."

"In our effort to annihilate the Greeks, we believe this new fork rowing approach is going to make it a lot quieter for us to sneak up on them. That is...once we catch them."

"One other thing. Some of you have been looking out the port holes and may have noticed the officers getting in the small life boats and rowing away. You should think of these as lifeboat drills and yet another thing you shouldn't be worrying about. And it's probably best for everyone if you just stopped looking out the port holes."

"Lastly... since we've been sitting still in the water while we've been having this conversation, you are really going to have to make some waves with these new forks. Because if we don't reach land by sundown, someone is going to walk the plank."

"Good luck! Now stroke...stroke...stroke...

photo credit: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM)