Why not me

My
heart knows how to love.
When my heart holds others it's a lush meadow
flowering with acceptance and validation
bright shining rays of unconditional love
warning recipients with outstretched arms
growing, changing to welcone whoever comes its way
robin blue lakes as eyes seeing the best in others
even better than they can see themselves
fertile with generosity

When my heart regards myself its a courtroom
beady eyes judging attempts at growth or change
heavy scales weighing each thought and feeling
deciding if it's good or bad, allowed or not
a lasso restraining who I am and what I want
twisted throny vines surrounding and stabbing
when I try to breathe
stifling with musty darkness

My soul grows fists and Beats on the walls of my heart
screaming
WHY NOT ME
WHY NOT ME
WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?