The Partner live gives me

During the course of my life I felt forced to deal with "the partner live gives me" as I call it now in funny mode but it wasn't at all like this my whole life.

You see, since little I had to deal with the fact to be a completely inappropriate, inadequate and incomprehensible person of the family. Thankfully my father raise me with a high self estime but he died when I was 14 and from that point everything fall it down. There's no one to protect me. At 21 I married with the man of my dreams who results to be an abusive person, beat me up on every chance. Once again, alone.

My family wasn't particularly supportive. My mom says that the divorce was my fault (I hide from her all the drama) and my present started to be a problem in my mother's house.

So then started my life as a Gipsy. Always running away from the pain of not being "enough" for that people.

I travel everywhere I looking jobs elsewhere, never finding a place to call "home".

With people was the same story: people in and out from life only 3 remains: one died, the other one stop talking to me after 20 years of friendship because I'm not supported her relationship with a gigolo and the third one is my 27 years old best friend who now lives very far on another country.

While I'm writing this lines I remember myself that work has been the only constant in my life, and that almost was taken away from me also with the pandemic, but thank to steemit that doesn't happen (I'm so thankful for that I say this so many times and isn't enough).

Today is my birthday. My mom says "oh.. So you going to spend your birthday alone..", she's an older person she doesn't recall how many birthdays or new years eve I spent alone with the dog or "watching the family house" while all they get together with the whole family. I answered "no, I'm gonna spend the day in peace".

This isn't in anyway possible a bitter post or something. What I lived in the past prepared me for now and maybe my future and I'm grateful for that. Do I cried? Yes, Do I understand it before? No. Do I feel sad? Of course! But that was before I have been working on my self growth for 20 years now I understand that's all just human nature y also understand that I'm the one who must change in order to spect change on others. My point of view of the world it's so different nowadays. I'm grateful for all the things loneliness tough me. And my family too. Thanks to all I'm an independent woman in every sense of the world including attachments to things or people, because now I understand the value of my and other people's: time, work, worth, feelings, decline, opinions different that mine, beliefs, choices and I become so respectful of others as a result of all my process. 🙏

Thankyou @gems community this is actually my second post here. I opened my heart and soul and I would like to celebrate my birthday with you guys!

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