When your blogger friend writes about your vaccine status in her latest post. An open letter to this friend

This is an open letter in response to a friends blog post, and it is a controversial topic. So bear with me, read with an open heart and an open mind....

Hello Friend,

I've enjoyed reading your blog, ever since I found out you were a blogger. Totally cool, your post are always so real. You're who inspired me to start blogging again! Your website is beautiful and you make writing seem like such a breeze!

This morning I got an unexpected text from you that gave me a pre-warning for your upcoming blog post. I thought I'd openly respond. Your new post titled "When You Discover Your Friends Don’t Vaccinate" is a reflection back on a dinner we had 2 months ago, when your husband asked the vaccine status of our children. We had no choice. We had to be upfront and honest, even if it wasn't something you expected to hear.

In your blog you wrote: "As nonchalantly as they might have viewed the situation, my heart was racing. I was having brief flashbacks to all the times their young girls interacted with [child]."

I can understand how this might have startled you. And I'm sorry that it did. I appreciate that you believe in parents rights to choose what's best for their children. We believe the same when it comes down to parental choices. But something I don't think you were able to consider is the other side, our side. As your heart was racing and you were thinking of your child. Let me first reassure you that we never let our children leave the house if they are showing any signs of sickness (unless of course we're taking them to the doctor.) I know as a scared mama it's hard to think about the situation of others, when you're worried for your own. But try and walk with me through this:

Imagine how hard it must be for the parents of immunocompromised children?

Our choice goes beyond ingredients and their allergies to some of them. I nearly died from a reaction at the same age as your child. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital. It was a very scary time for my family. Medically vaccines are just not an option. My kids inherited the same gene mutation (Compound Heterozygous MTHFR) that I have. It basically prevents the body from being able to process the preservatives (aluminum) found in vaccines. Our immune systems are much weaker than normal individuals. Vaccines made my immune system weaker, because my body wasn't able to process them. You can get bloodwork done to see if your children, or yourself might have an MTHFR gene mutation, you can also get bloodwork done to see how much heavy metals have built up in your system. Aside from MTHFR, even if medically we could have them, I still would choose against them due to religious reasons. The use of aborted fetal cells goes against my pro-life stance. Look into MRC-5, MRC-38, and WALVAX-2 just to name a few. You are open to your own research and decisions, as I know that you are pro-life too. This is of course something that is personal conviction for our family. We fully support you and your rights as a parent.

"I didn’t know what to do or what the future was for my new friend and me."

At a different dinner when you announced you had all just gotten your flu shots, you made my heart race too! Flu shots don't shed, like the live virus ones do. So I wasn't worried about that. I was afraid the topic of vaccines would come up and we would instantly be rejected, like we have been before from others. You see it was my first time since moving down to Nashville that I had started to make friends, with someone (aside from vaccines) that I had a lot in common with. It was the first time anyone invited us to go anywhere. I hated the idea of something like this ruining a brand new friendship.

"Let them know that until your infant is fully vaccinated you would like to stick to only doing double dates."

We would be more than happy to go on double dates. But you need to be aware that I exclusively breastfeed and that our unvaccinated newborn will have to join us. I also babywear and will keep her distant. We look forward to future playdates when your infant is fully vaccinated. We don't want our children to make you feel uncomfortable. That was never our intention.

"Instead of judging let’s try loving."

I couldn't agree more! Thank you for being able to look past difference of opinion and being able to come up with a reasonable solution. We look forward to future double dates!... We still need to take you guys to an Escape Room! I don't like mommy wars, I don't like the shaming. And I don't like the idea of throwing away a friendship because you have a valid concern.

#EndMommyWars