Fork in the Eye!

in #comedy7 years ago (edited)

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Immersion just got really real! ‘Fork in the Eye’ is a brand new, cutting-edge, exotic, ultra-high-definition, holographic, surround-sound, wireless, full-immersion, blockchained, bluetoothed, battery-free, anti-solar, technology from Ultra-Reality Inc.

Our fork offers users an experience that is truly felt by every one of your senses, guaranteed! It is so real you’ll swear you’ve just stuck a fork in your eye. It connects to your home network automatically. If no local network is available it auto-connects to the nearest cell/satellite tower. Guaranteed to always be online and ready to go. Each unit comes pre-charged from the factory so you can use it right out of the box.

Instructions for use:

  1. Remove cork dongle from top of fork
  2. Hold by handle (as if it were an actual fork)
  3. Jam fork firmly into eye socket

Benefits

Internal battery never runs out thanks to our lunar charging membrane that looks and feels just like metal! Fork will always have a charge and works in sunlight or in darkness. You can keep it in drawer with your other utensils. But don’t mix them up!

Cork dongle included! Handy attractive cork dongle lets you take ‘Fork in the Eye’ with you anywhere! How about the beach? How about a ‘Fork in the Eye’ at the library? Works on every eye, every time! That’s right, every eye! If you wear glasses you’ll need to remove them before using ‘Fork in the Eye’.

Free 3rd Person Shared Experience Account! With every purchase comes a free streaming account with our servers. This means everyone can watch you use ‘Fork in the Eye’! This new breakthrough in augmented reality allows us to stream your experience 3rd person to everyone within wireless range. That’s fancy talk for, your friends will experience you jabbing a fork into your eye too! It’s all real-time 24-hours a day, ‘Fork in the Eye’.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I play ‘Fork in the Eye’ in both eyes?

Yes, you sure can! Just jab form into first eye, wait 2 seconds and then jab fork into second eye.

Does it really feel like a fork in the eye?

We’ve been selling ‘Fork in the Eye’ for over ten years and we’ve yet to have a customer claim our product does not feel like an actual fork has been stuck in their eye. We guarantee you a full-on immersive experience with ‘Fork in the Eye!’

Do you offer Customer Support?

Yes, we offer a nationwide toll-free 24-hour free customer support line. To reach support call us at ‘911’ and tell them, "Hey I just shoved a fork in my eye!" They'll know what to do.

I’m not happy with my ‘Fork in the Eye’ can i get my money back?

We offer an automatic money back guarantee. Just plug your ‘Fork in the Eye’ into any wall outlet get your refund.

Do you offer other products?

Yes, we also offer ‘Knife stab between fingers’ which is a fast-paced family favorite around the dinner table.

Actual Testimonials

"It works, oh god, it really, really works." - Fred Sampson, Des Moines

"So much blood, It's everywhere!" - Carl Tonkin, Rockport

"My wife said I was too scared to try it. I showed her." - Milton Pinski, Phoenix

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Buy Yours Now!

Are you a 'Fork-in-the-Eye' user? Place your order or post your review in the comments below.

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This post has been voted on from MSP3K courtesy of @isaria from the Minnow Support Project ( @minnowsupport ).

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