Revolution 2 (5-Minute Freewrite Challenge)

_{Source Pixabay}

Feeling like I don't have my own identity. Unsure of what I am as I can't really decide for myself. What I really wanted, and what I wanted to be. When I try to live on what people wanted me to be.

Enslaved in a life of trying to please others. The negativity, the thoughts I acquired from what my ears absorbed. Like a sponge, as it drenched in any kinds of water, clean or unclean, it absorbs.

Living the life of being influenced, slows down the emotional development, easily drawn away by experiences that are undesirable. The level of anxiousness surges. Mental defenses declines.

Sitting down, face has frowned with the attack of unwanted thoughts. Defending myself to counter the jittery thoughts, which are like worms moving around my head. My entire system losing the usual function.

Falling asleep after a day spent of trying to put my head back on where it was supposed to. Exhausted of the cycle I am going through. The revolution is taking its toll on me that all I can do is embrace it, and be numbed.

Learning to untangle the nerves of my brain but to no avail. Why do thoughts that are unwelcome lurking like an annoying friend, who wants to see you suffering. Things undone, and this is life. What they call life doesn't seem life. Could it started from how life was back then? The influence of what I heard heard, seen, and learned?

All I can do now is sit as my mind wanders in places it doesn't wanted to go. Questions will end up unanswered. Confused. I am not in control.

Written using squibler.io

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