Challenge #01964-E140: Pitch Imperfect
"Let's run it up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes." Mad Men speak from the age of Greed is Good. -- Anon Guest
[AN: Nonny - Mad Men is set in the 50's/60's. The Greed is Good era was the 80's. If anything, the Mad Men Era was the last time that companies were permitted to be openly evil]
Talthaxis was beginning to suspect that ze had entered another dimension when talking to these businesspeople from Greater Deregulation West-Northwest. They had an impressive trade empire, but in retrospect, that empire was across a number of Greater Deregulation colonies and not with the larger Galactic Alliance. Talthaxis reminded hirself that ze and hir people were new to all of this and new peoples were expected to make mistakes.
Such as attempting to communicate with a subclass of humans that spoke exclusively in buzzwords and catchphrases.
"Okay. Let's run this up the flagpole and see if anybody here salutes. We take over the financial details of your trade and shipping company for a completely reasonable compound rate of twelve and a half percent of the gross. We synergise your profits, expand your outreach, diversify your brand and re-invest the excess capital into several promising companies within our own trade network. It's pure profit!"
For whom, exactly? thought Talthaxis. Fortunately, ze could research faster than this human could talk. These promising companies were all fluff and no meringue. They made a majority of their money by passing around assets between themselves like a hot potato, periodically declaring bankruptcy, and then returning from the dead with a new name, new logo, and the same diabolical minds running things behind the thin veneer of legitimacy.
"I'm saluting," said a human at the table trying and failing to fake a Galactic accent. They were wearing a livesuit, but the people trying to salt this meeting to hook in Talthaxis had failed to remove the emblem of a failed trading company from the bicep plates. "This sounds like a great investment."
In the end, it was the twelve and a half percent that gave it all away. Twelve an a half percent was, when worked backwards through ancient human economies, a single piece of eight. In other words, this entire scheme was outright piracy. The compound rate would soon mount up and while Talthaxis was no longer worried about the financial side of things, these people would be buying her company out from under her feet.
"You're welcome to all of it," ze said. "I will bow out at this point, my friends. I happen to enjoy the financial side of my business. I wish you good luck in your endeavours."
"But I haven't walked you through all the potential benefits in our loyalty plan! And we did give you the luxury suites for free..." he left the implied guilt hanging. The idea that someone had to pay back the value of a gift with their time in a sales pitch was laughable to anyone who wasn't human.
"A gift I intend to enjoy now. Thank you." Talthaxis walked cheerfully out of a meeting that was looking more and more like a reprogramming ordeal. Given enough time, humans could wear anyone down with their words. Saying the same thing in so many different ways that something, sometime, had to sound like a good idea.
Talthaxis didn't even make it do the local veet before ze received a ping from them. It said, Are you sure you don't want to hear about the remarkable business opportunity that could be within your easy reach?
Talthaxis sent back, Yes. And then ze blocked all further contact, and set hir suites to Do Not Disturb mode.
Serve them right for not doing their homework.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / Antonio_Diaz]
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