Mosquitoes X Malaria | Comedy Open Mic Rd 38

The last two days have been hell because of you guys

_{to be honest, I've never been to hell so I don't know if the metaphor is apt. That said, I've got some words that need letting out.}

It started like a joke

I know the mosquitoes are going to be angry with that heading. I mean, those bastards work their assess off to make sure we all contract malaria and I'm saying its a joke.

But really, I thought it was a joke because...

Last month, I spent four days at the hospital treating malaria

Unless the doctor didn't know what he was doing or I wasn't diagnosed properly, I didn't expect to contract malaria this soon

I mean, gimme a break mosquitoes. It's not as if I hate you guys. Okay, I've probably killed a few of your... What did you say? It's more than a few? Okay, I admit. I've killed a lot of your folks. But still, I don't hate you guys. In fact...

I have no issue with mosquitoes sucking my blood

I'm serious. I mean, I learnt that it's only the females that actually suck blood. I'm a feminist, you know. I'm all for the female empowerment thing. And if my blood is going to empower your ladies....

I'm willing to sacrifice myself like Jesus

That's right. I offer myself as a blood bank. Free free to come withdraw from that reservoir of sweet O Blood. (We all know other blood types taste like shit).

Two things to note though. Firstly, only the pretty chicks should suck my blood. I don't want some ugly bitch hanging around me. My blood is premium baby, show some class. Secondly...

I don't want to die.

Yeah, Jesus died on the cross. I know all of that. But I don't want to die. And that's where the entire problem begins. I mean, it's like I fuck you girls up to the climax of Mount Orgasm and just when I turn around to take a piss, you stab me in the back with malaria.

I'm not one to make threats

But the next time you guys try shit like that... I'm gonna poison my blood. If I'm gonna die, then we'll all die together

That's all

I nominate @holybranches and @belemo to lighten up my mood (preferably with Jik or hypo. I don't like bleaching cream)