An Urhobo Traditional Marriage

Image source: Wikimedia Commons

With the dawn of modernization, several tribes in Nigeria are gradually losing their cultures. Thankfully, the sankofa helps to ignite interests in these past culture. In this post, I will be talking about the Urhobo traditional marriage. While Christianity and civilization have brought about church wedding (particularly known as white weddings) and court weddings, the traditional marriage is still insisted on by many families in Nigeria.

The Urhobo Community

The Urhobo community refer more to a group of people rather than a particular location. However, these community is scattered throughout various places in Delta State, Nigeria. For instance, I am Urhobo but my village is located in Ughelli south. There are other Urhobo communities in Warri, Sapele and Asaba.

The Urhobos have a rich culture and tradition. Like other tribes in Nigeria, they believe in the existence and relevance of their ancestors as well as the supreme god known as Oghene.

The Urhobo Marriage

The Urhobo marriage transcends the union of a man and wife; it is union of families. (same sex marriages are unknown within the Urhobo traditional community.) The roles of the families are emphasised from the conception of the marriage till the end of the marriage.

Divorce is rare as the couple are supposedly bound for life by the ancestors. Within the traditional setting too, infidelity is rare (on the side of the woman). Growing up, we learnt that on the night of the wedding, the couple are brought outside and told to kneel. A goat is then slaughtered and the blood is sprinkled on the couple’s legs. My mother went on to explain that if the woman had extra marital affairs, she would die during childbirth unless she confessed to her husband. This is being done away by the advent of Christianity and modernization.

In the traditional setting, the marriages lasts throughout the lifespan of the wife. If the husband dies and the wife is deemed sit for remarry, she is ‘passed’ to a relative of her husband, usually her husband’s brother.

Contracting An Urhobo Marriage

There are several ways through which a marriage can be contracted in the traditional setting. This will be highlighted and discussed below.

Esavwijotor

This refers to a marriage contracted by the parents of the couple. A parent could observe how a young man or lady behaves and deem him/her as a suitable marriage partner. The parent then goes on to the other parents and declare his intention.

Such marriages can also be contracted due to exceptional valour or achievement. In my village, for instance, warriors who distinguished themselves in battle often return home to find a bride waiting for them.

This kind of marriage occurs without the awareness of the children involved. In most cases, love only develops after a few years of staying married together. In rare cases, the couple never get along and curse their parents for arranging such marriages.

Ose

This is a kind of marriage that occurs without a formal ceremony. It is something akin to cohabitation currently being practised in the western world. There is however a huge difference. Here, the couple are regarded as husband and wife and enjoy all rights including conjugal rights. However, because they are yet to formalise the marriage through the traditional prescribed manner, they have certain limitations.

For instance, the family of the bride would not regard them man as an in-law. Also, when any of the bride’s parent dies, the husband cannot mourn as he would for an in-law. Furthermore, when the husband dies, the wife cannot mourn him as she would mourn a husband.

This kind of marriage is contracted for several reasons. One of my uncles had a marriage like this for many years until he financial it only a few years ago. Then, he did not have the ability to meet up with the financial implications of a formal traditional wedding. This kind of marriage also occurs when a lady is impregnated out of wedlock. She is forced to stay with the man. However, until the man carries out the wedding including paying the bride-price, the bride’s family will regard him as someone who uses their daughter as a concubine.

Marriage In Absentia

This kind of marriage occurs when the groom is not physically present for the courtship and wedding. Here, the marriage rites are conducted on his behalf and someone stands in his place. The person is usually the man’s relative or his brother.

In some cases, the bride would be expected to spend some time with the groom’s family before she is taken to meet her husband. This kind of marriage occurs regardless of whether the indenting couple have feelings for themselves or not.

Urhobo Traditional Marriage Rites

Under the Urhobo traditional marriage, three things are of great imperative: the consent of the parents of the couple, initial visits and the wedding proper.

Consent Of The Parents

The consent of the parents of the couple is very important to the marriage. If any or both of the couple refuse to support the marriage, the marriage does not hold.

Initial Visits

When a young man decides he has seen the lady he wants to marry, he would first inform his parents. On the other hand, the lady informs her mother who then informs her father. In the case of arranged marriages, the parents would have meetings and deliberations where they will decide on how the marriage would take place.

During these visits, the items in the traditional marriage list will be agreed upon and a convenient date will be chosen for the marriage. This also provides members of both families to learn as much as they can about each other and to determine if they are compatible.

The Marriage Proper

On the d-day, both families would meet in the bride’s home with their spokespersons. The spokespersons would introduce themselves and serve as the mouthpieces for the families. The bride’s family’s spokesperson would welcome the visitor and offer drinks and kola nut and money.

Image source: Constative

The spokesperson for the groom family would accept the gifts and then state the purpose of their visit.

The groom’s family’s spokesman would announce that they have come to seek a bride for their son. The bride family would parade different girls asking if the one they seek is among them. Usually, three girls are presented and each time the groom family says no, they would offer some money as compensation. Finally, the bride would be presented to the groom.

The bride is then asked if she wants to marry the groom. Once she agrees, the bride price is paid and the marriage continues. Once the bride price has been paid, the pours a libation and offers prayers for the couple in the native dialect. The bride is then told to sit on the husband’s lap. The husband is given the drink. He drinks first and then hands over to the wife on his lap who drinks and then returns to the husband to finish it as a sign of respect.

The couple is showered with money and gifts. The reception follows immediately. Usually, a native dialect called ‘ogwo’figbo’ is served with starch or plantain

Image source: Nigerian Food TV

The bride is then escorted to her husband’s house. There, family rites may be carried out, depending on the couple’s choice. The term ‘Esuo’ is used at this point to indicate the marriage process has been completed and the couple are now husband and wife.

In some cases, the couple still get married in the church and also in the court. But the traditional marriage is recognised by the government so there’s often no need for all those.

I read the following articles in preparing this piece

• Urhobo people
• How traditional marriage is contracted in Urhobo

Thanks for reading.

Blessings