interrupted tranquility.

A few weeks ago, I was on my phone, reading a very interesting article about cells and strangely I sensed that that day was not going to go by as normal as it usually does. I was reading the words carefully, when a notification arrives, it was a message, a message from an unregistered number and I frowned when I saw that message, it said: Hello.

I wondered who it was? Because I never give my number to unknown people and I am not a social person to have people saved in my contacts, I entered the chat and answered kindly Hello, excuse me but I do not have it added, could you tell me your name? I waited for him to reply, it took 10 min and that surprised me even more because he had read the message very quickly.

Then, from that message, I could feel my nerves on the fingers of my hand, maybe I already knew who it was, but I wanted to be blind until he answered: Wow, you erased my number.

And I knew it was him, my ex-boyfriend, a person who made me feel such deep emotions of love and pain. The memories came to my mind, it was like a super radioactive atomic bomb, my breathing was shortened by the bad memories, the fights, the crying, the threats. All kinds of negative memory was at my mercy, I think I sat down and watched the message for a few minutes, until he wrote again.

I knew that this conversation was going to be long, because we had months without being in contact, months of peace and emotional freedom, now my frustration returned for a certain time when he started to write a message. I didn't answer, I just let him write and say what he had to say to me, I didn't want to make a fuss after all this time, I wanted to show maturity and personality. But in all that moment, my body was in a psychological trance of anxiety and fear, the times we talked, it always ended up being very hurt or threatened. His threats became more pious and over time I understood that he controlled me, it was a waste to be able to start a mature conversation in those circumstances.

However, 6 months passed and he came back, I thought I could fix things but I was afraid of everything. 2 minutes passed and he kept writing, my eyes kept on chatting and I wanted to throw the phone in the trash but my curiosity was stronger than my wishes as a crazy and anxious girl. When the message came out, it was a long will, where he talked about how he was, how he felt and asking for forgiveness for his immature acts.

I was impressed, in my life, a person begged me for forgiveness, I thought it was absurd for him to beg, I had forgiven him for a long time, but maybe I needed it. I needed him to realize his human error, understand the pain I had to go through and be able to raise my self-esteem, it was a very hard battle.

Relief from my heart began to blossom, my face was no longer terrified, it was calm, I felt my breathing calmer and stopped shaking. I just wanted an acceptance of his mistakes and to ask for forgiveness, I smiled and my eyes watered, it was a lot of emotion inside me. I answered:

He just said thank you and said goodbye. I went to bed, looked at the ceiling and analyzed many thoughts from my life, such as how nice it must be to love people worth loving again, how great it would be to understand and hospitality to a broken heart, to help and feel a sense of usefulness those people who go through a crucial moment in their lives.

Perhaps, things happened as they should be, so that my present self has more wisdom in its words, actions and decisions. I understood that self-love is very important to be able to love loved ones, the people around us every day, I want to emphasize that this story started as a scare and ended as a reflection, because this life so short, is made for that each individual learn to live.

Experience does not make us perfect, but I think it improves our behavior and our way of thinking, being free and understanding is a detail that no one should miss in their daily bread.

I hope that you, the person who is reading it, think about his life in 5 years and tell me if you think that the you of the present will be prepared for that future.